Children who are yelled at have serious intellectual damage: Before yelling at your child, ask yourself these two questions

"I should have said it nicely earlier. Why couldn't you control your temper?"
The child is too noisy. No matter how hard you try to talk to him, he won't listen. When you run out of patience, you have to yell at him to stop everything. Every time you yell at your child, parents can't help but feel regretful and self-blaming. But it's as if something is controlling their brains. The next time they get emotional, all the guilt is forgotten. But do you know? For children who are still in the process of shaping their values, the words blurted out by their parents in their emotions are even more troublesome.

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Professor Li Meijin, Vice President of the China Youth Crime Research Association, once said:

Children’s problems are often caused by adults. Every psychological or behavioral problem of a child must be related to the behavior of his or her parents and the way of education they use.

01 Yelling is like a chronic poison that makes children’s personalities become extreme

A study by American sociologist Maury Strauss shows that 90% of parents who have problems getting along with their children have yelled at their children.

What will the children who come out of this yelling education system become when they grow up?

☆Inferiority complex and sensitivity

Put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if you were denied and criticized for a long time by people you respect or care about?

How would you feel if you work hard but don't get any recognition from your boss for a long time and the boss compares you with other colleagues and denies your efforts and value?

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Parents are the closest people to their children. Long-term yelling is tantamount to language confinement for immature children. It will make children cautious and afraid to express themselves, and eventually develop into people with low self-esteem, sensitivity, and a people-pleasing personality.

☆Fight violence with violence

Psychologist Dr. Susan Forward said:

Children cannot distinguish between facts and jokes. They will believe everything their parents say about them and turn it into their own ideas.

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Professor Li Meijin also said: "If a person was not treated well in childhood, don't expect him to treat society well."

The opposite of "kind treatment" is not just abuse. Long-term verbal violence can also cause children to become twisted and rebellious, and they will become people who only use yelling and fists to solve problems when they encounter them.
If you discipline your child in such a rough way for a long time, he/she will feel that you have no other way but to yell at him/her, and he/she will take you less and less seriously. This behavior is called "overlimit effect" in psychology .

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Children who are beaten and scolded by their guardians during their growing up stage have a 79.25% chance of having low self-esteem and their crime rate is as high as 42.59%.

There may not be any problem with yelling in the short term, but once you look at the path of your child's growth, you will find that every distortion in the trajectory basically comes from your uncontrollable yelling.

02Children who are often yelled at by their parents tend to have dumber brains

When faced with oppression, the human brain will instinctively produce an escape reaction, and most children will choose to compromise when their parents shout warnings.

This kind of compromise is more accurately a form of surrender. Long-term mental oppression can easily make children lose confidence and even cause irreversible damage to their brains.

Martin A. Teicher, associate professor of psychiatry at the top psychiatric hospital in the United States affiliated with Harvard Medical School, believes:

Parents who yell at their children for a long time will indeed change their children's brains and affect their intelligence.

Teicher's team analyzed the brains of adults who had experienced verbal abuse (yelling, name-calling, etc.) from their parents.

They found reduced connectivity between their Wernicke's area (which is primarily responsible for understanding spoken language) and the prefrontal cortex, and the less connectivity between these two areas, the poorer a person's speech comprehension ability.

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“I think these people are not living up to their linguistic potential,” Teicher said.

Children need a healthy, peaceful and free environment for development. Many times, children are not really "stupid", but it is because of our long-term verbal violence and habitual denial of children's thoughts and behaviors that we stifle their precious talents.

Dr. Laura Markham, founder of the American Heart Association, believes that if family members yell at their children for a long time, it will have a negative impact on their brain and spirit, causing double stress.

It may even change their original good thoughts, cut off communication with their parents, and form a self-enclosed mentality.

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As Dr. Markham says, while parents who yell aren't destroying their children's brains themselves, they are changing them.

Rachel Romeo's team at MIT confirmed in an experiment:

After a child is born, early language exposure will have a great impact on the structure of the brain, especially the area that manages language.

They selected 40 healthy children aged four to six years old, born at full term, and performed MRI scans on their brains. The results showed that children who frequently communicated with their parents had more white matter in the brain that specifically manages language output than children who communicated less.

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Being yelled at frequently will make children lose the courage to express themselves. Over time, the activity of the brain's white matter will be greatly reduced, thus affecting the child's language ability.

In addition, dumping emotional garbage on children will not only limit their intellectual development, but will also constantly put ourselves under stress.

Experts point out that bad emotions are a more terrible source of infection than strong viruses! 80% of diseases are triggered by mental fluctuations.

Therefore, instead of yelling at children directly, it is better to understand their needs scientifically and rationally. Reducing conflicts can better achieve the purpose of education.

03When you can’t help but get angry, think about these two points

☆ Harm to oneself

Studies have shown that fatigue and lack of sleep can reduce the body's resistance, making people irritable and angry, and making it even more difficult to control their emotions when facing stress. Yelling is a stress response when we are angry or emotional. Therefore, learning to seek help and cooperation from family members is a good way to avoid "yelling".

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☆How can children be more receptive

Psychologists have done a study and found that when dealing with the same thing, children are more likely to accept it when speaking in a low tone. When parents deliberately lower their voices, their emotions will also become calmer and more rational.

If you have yelled at your child many times before reading this article, don't blame yourself, apologize to your child sincerely! There is a saying: "The person who tied the bell must untie it." The physical wounds of children need to be bandaged by their parents; the spiritual wounds need to be healed by their parents. If you can't help yelling at your child, please let him know:

"No problem should be solved by yelling or violence. It's the parents who failed to control their emotions. If there is anything to say, they should talk it out nicely."

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No matter how harsh we are to our children, they still long for connection with their parents; no matter how we yell at our children, they still long for their parents' hug.

Don’t think that we love our children more deeply. In fact, our children’s love for us is deeper and purer. Although there is no test to become a parent, we have to learn how to be better parents from the moment our children are born.

Being a parent is a lifelong practice.

I hope that every parent and child can become a better self through mutual warmth.