Choice is also a kind of pain - selective anxiety

This is the 5081st article of Da Yi Xiao Hu

Operator : Hello! This is the psychological hotline.

Caller : Um, hello!

Operator : Are you having any psychological confusion?

Caller : Well, I'm planning to change my job soon, and several companies have offered me a job. I was originally very happy about this, but it turned out to be very distressing because each of these companies has its own advantages, but none of them are that good.

Operator : Please tell me more about it.

Caller : The first company offers almost the same position as the previous one, so I can easily get started after entering the new company, and the relationships I have accumulated before can also be used. It is easy to get the attention of the leaders, so the development prospects are relatively good. The second company is very close to where I live now, and it only takes half an hour to walk. Compared with the previous commute of one or two hours, this company has obvious geographical advantages. The salary of the third company is much higher than that of the previous company, and there is also a gap of nearly 10% compared with several other companies, which makes me very tempted. However, the company's office is far from home, and if I go to this company, I have to squeeze into the subway for more than half an hour every day. The fourth company does not need to rush to work every day, as long as I hand in the tasks that need to be completed on time at home every day. This makes me yearn for it, as I used to get up at 7 o'clock every morning, but the salary of this company is the lowest among the four companies. I feel confused now, and I don't know which one to choose from these four companies.

The protagonist in the story is faced with a dilemma of choice. Such a situation sometimes makes people feel anxious and painful, which is called selective anxiety in psychology. Once some people face a major choice, they will look around, feel anxious and worried, and their hearts will be filled with helplessness and panic. For them, making a choice is really a pain.

When people are faced with choices, especially when choosing something that can bring them benefits or happiness, they will instinctively hope to have them all. But when multiple benefits cannot be obtained at the same time, people can only choose one of them, and making a choice means having to give up other options. When people are faced with a large number of free choices, they will be at a loss, and even feel that having choices is more difficult than giving up choices.

When we feel we have difficulty making choices, here are some strategies to consider:

Clarify your purpose

Before facing a choice, you must first clarify your main purpose, avoid being disturbed by external factors, and ensure that your choice is based on your true inner needs and values.

Collecting Information

Before making a decision, gather as much relevant information as possible, list the criteria or conditions for making the decision, and understand the pros and cons and potential benefits of each option.

Setting the rules

Limit the range of choices or set filtering conditions, such as setting a time limit or ranking the importance, pros and cons of each option to help yourself make a more informed choice.

Avoid comparison

Don't compare yourself with others. Everyone has his or her own way of life. Avoid the unbalanced mentality caused by comparison.

Learn to be content:

Difficulties in making choices often stem from the excessive pursuit of benefits. Learning to be content can help us make objective judgments based on actual conditions and avoid regret and frustration.

Avoid perfectionism

There is no perfect option, accept that fact and work to find the one that best meets your needs and expectations.

Learn to bear the consequences

Once you make a decision, learn to bear the consequences and learn and grow from it no matter what the outcome.

Psychological counseling

If decision-making difficulties seriously affect your daily life and work, you should go to the hospital in time and use medication under the guidance of a doctor.

Everything has its two sides, and every choice has its advantages and disadvantages. Perfection does not exist. Even if there is a choice that is close to perfect, why would this pie fall on your head? In fact, making a choice is to face your true needs and know clearly what you value most. This is the basis for us to make the right choice.

If you really can't make a decision, then calm down and go forward in one direction without hesitation. Having the power to choose also means that you need to bear the corresponding responsibilities. Once you have made a decision, you must bear the consequences of the choice and face the many obstacles on the road ahead. To become a decisive and responsible person, you must become a strong person who faces choices head-on.

Author: Shanghai Fengxian District Mental Health Center

Psychiatry Department Attending Physician Wang Chunlian

Wang Jinde Attending Physician