This subconscious habit is preventing you from truly loving yourself! Many people don’t know it and still do it!

When I was in school, I felt that people with good grades were more worthy of love than myself, so I worked hard to improve my grades and gained recognition from my teachers. But then I began to struggle inside and felt embarrassed and even ashamed when facing the attention from my teachers.

When working, I strive to do every job diligently and perfectly. When I have achievements and am praised by my leaders and colleagues, this "highlight moment" that everyone thinks of makes me feel uncomfortable, and I may even actively look for my own shortcomings to refute the other party's praise.

Later, after I settled down in the workplace, I realized that although I had ideas, experience, abilities and achievements at work, my subconscious self-evaluation was still very low. When discussing promotion and salary increase, I didn't dare to make an offer. I felt that I had achieved my results by luck and was not worthy of a high salary.

When a friend receives an expensive gift, the first thought that pops into his mind is not happiness or joy, but panic. He feels that he is not worthy of receiving such a good gift, and immediately makes a secret plan to find a time to return the gift with the same value.

…

We often look forward to good things happening, but sometimes, when these good fortunes really favor us, we begin to hesitate and dare not truly possess them.

If you often experience this, it is very likely that the feeling of "unworthiness" in your heart is at work.

Habitually belittling oneself, always feeling that one is not good enough, and that one does not deserve beauty and success, because one is convinced that one cannot succeed, and is even more afraid of being labeled as "bad" or "incompetent" after failure. The term "unworthy" may sound a bit abstract, but similar mentalities are not uncommon. Whether in the workplace, family, or intimate relationships, "unworthy" can distort a person's self-perception and bring many negative effects.

Copyright images in the gallery. Reprinting and using them may lead to copyright disputes.

Why do you feel like you’re “unworthy”?

What harm will this mentality bring?

"Feelings of unworthiness" may stem from doubts about one's own abilities or excessive sensitivity to the evaluations of others. There are many factors that lead to this result, including the original family, educational environment, economic conditions, and the broader social and cultural background. It is the result of the combined effect of multiple reasons.

To give some simple examples, when some people expressed their needs as children, they may not only not get a response from their parents, but also be denied and criticized. Over time, these people will gradually ignore the recognition and development of their own interests and needs, and gradually form a thinking pattern that suppresses the true self and focuses on meeting the expectations of others. When they enter the workplace or enter an intimate relationship, the inner conflict is further intensified.

Gender factors can sometimes cause a sense of “unworthiness.” In certain work environments, some genders have more advantages, while others need to make extra efforts to gain recognition. Living in this situation for a long time, they will gradually develop self-doubt and find it difficult to recognize and affirm their own value and achievements.

The "unworthy feeling" may make people feel uneasy when facing success, worrying that they do not really deserve this achievement. When they encounter failure, this emotion will be further aggravated, causing people to fall into a vortex of self-doubt.

The feeling of unworthiness can also cause people to make negative choices in their daily lives. For example, a talented person may give up pursuing their dreams because they are afraid of failure or worried that their performance will not meet the expectations of others. This can lead to the loss of a valuable opportunity that could have been seized with a little effort, leaving behind a lot of regrets.

Interpersonal relationships will also be more deeply affected by the "sense of unworthiness". When people believe deep down that they are not worthy of love or respect, they are likely to show indifference, alienation, or even hostility when interacting with others; harmonious relationships that could have been destroyed are thus destroyed, and truly intimate relationships are difficult to establish.

Copyright images in the gallery. Reprinting and using them may lead to copyright disputes.

Note the 4 changes

Reshape your sense of worthiness

In fact, once you realize that some of your behavior patterns are related to "unworthy feelings", you have already taken a step forward on the road to change. How to go further and deal with and eliminate this "inner demon"? The key is to realize that your own value is not determined by external evaluation, but comes from inner self-identification and self-affirmation.

This sentence may seem simple, but it actually requires deep self-reflection and mental adjustment to support it. Perhaps we can start from the following directions:

1

Improved self-awareness

Many people feel confused and powerless when faced with inner insecurity and self-doubt. However, the truly courageous act is to face these emotions instead of avoiding or denying their existence. Accepting your own "feeling of unworthiness" means starting to understand the deeper reasons behind this emotion and how it affects your thinking and behavior.

This increased self-awareness is a key step toward a healthier mental state. By accepting these complex emotions, you are actually empowering yourself to proactively find solutions to problems instead of being troubled by them.

2

Rebuilding self-worth

Rebuilding your self-worth is a profound journey. Only by exploring your inner self, identifying the true source of satisfaction and happiness through self-reflection, and truly understanding yourself can you see your own resources and shining points.

This process requires us to be honest with our likes and dislikes, discover and accept our personality and talents; make choices based on these unique needs and draw a true picture of life. "Evaluation system based on intrinsic value" means redefining success, no longer relying on social status or recognition from others, but based on personal growth, deep interpersonal relationships and meaningful career contributions. Get rid of dependence on external evaluation, learn to listen to your inner voice, live freely and explore your potential.

3

Actively seek support and resources

In the battle against the feeling of unworthiness, we are not alone. There are various resources around us that can provide us with strong support, such as the unconditional love and acceptance of family and friends, every touching encounter in life, even the kindness given by strangers, which are important sources of our sense of value.

Professional counselors can provide professional perspectives and strategies to help us understand and overcome this feeling. They effectively deal with feelings of unworthiness by creating a safe, non-judgmental environment that encourages people to explore their self-worth.

4

Practice and experience success

To eliminate the distress of "unworthyness", improving self-confidence and self-efficacy is a key link.

Self-efficacy refers to a person's belief in his or her ability to accomplish a specific task. Try to create opportunities for yourself to practice and experience success; start by setting small, easily achievable goals, deliberately train yourself, and clarify your action plan through specific, measurable steps.

For example, we can break down a grand and abstract plan like "I want to improve my English level" into "I want to review 20 words every day" and give ourselves a small reward every time we successfully check in for a week. In this way, each small goal becomes feasible and easy to manage, and will bring clear progress; when we gradually achieve these small goals, we will gradually get used to the experience of success.

In the process of constantly challenging and affirming yourself, you will gradually have the courage to accept new challenges and try things that you may have thought difficult or impossible before. In this way, you will gradually break free from the vicious circle of "I can't do it" and "I am not competent" and enter a positive cycle.

"Feeling unworthy" is a complex but surmountable mentality, but I hope that when you subconsciously have this "I am not good" thought, you can stop and wake yourself up in time. I hope that in the future, we can all have more confidence in our own value and ability, and can have those expected good things without worries and peace of mind, because you "deserve it".

Planning and production

Author: Dou Yuanyuan, psychological counselor, member of China Science Writers Association

Reviewer: Fan Chunlei, Associate Researcher, Institute of Psychology, Chinese Academy of Sciences