The wrong numbers you've dialed in recent years: Gynecology

The wrong numbers you've called in recent years (gynecology)

Breast Surgery & Gynecology

Patient: Doctor, please take a look here, it seems like there is a lump! (pointing to the chest)

Doctor: This is not our responsibility. You should see a breast surgeon.

Patient: What? You guys don’t care about lesbians’ stuff anymore? (Mumbling and leaving the account)

The doctor said to himself: This seems to be... also experienced by gay men...

Family Planning Department & Pre-pregnancy Clinic

Patient: Doctor, I am going to be pregnant in two months. What preparations should I make?

Doctor: You’ve got the wrong number. This is the Family Planning Department!

Patient: That’s right, I came here because I was “planning” to have a baby!

Doctor: What you said seems to make sense!

The Family Planning Department is actually responsible for various family planning examinations, treatments and contraceptive guidance, such as IUD removal and insertion, surgical abortion and medical abortion. It is the place where people come if they do not want to get pregnant or if they want to terminate the pregnancy.

Cervical & Breast Surgery

Inside the breast surgery clinic.

Patient: Doctor, can you help me check if I have a tumor here? (As he spoke, he unbuttoned his bra and pointed at his nipple)

Just as the surgeon was about to examine, the patient stopped him immediately: Why are you examining without even wearing gloves? There are viruses on them!

The doctor was a little confused, but still did as he was told. After repeated observation and palpation, he found: there was no problem!

Patient: Impossible! Look at the medical report, it says that there is a tumor in "that place" and it is infected with 58 kinds of viruses! I dare not tell my family... I can't understand how this tiny place can be infected with so many viruses!

Then he took out a report, which read: Human papillomavirus infection, 58 (+)

The surgeon tried to suppress his smile and explained: Your disease has nothing to do with "nipples"! This should be a cervical examination. It is infected with a virus called "human papillomavirus", also known as HPV. There are many types of this virus, and 58 is just one of them. You should go to the gynecology department or the "cervical department".

The patient complained while getting dressed: What a crappy name...

Gynecologic Oncology & Gynecologic Endocrinology

Patient: Doctor, the physical examination showed that I have a lot of ovarian cysts. Can you help me decide whether I should have surgery? I have been so scared that I haven't slept for several days.

The doctor looked at the report and wrote: ... Multiple small cysts without echoes were found in both ovaries, with a diameter of less than 9 mm, and more than 12 on each side. Conclusion: Polycystic changes in both ovaries.

Patient: Look, isn’t it written as “multiple small cysts”? And there are more than 12 on each side, so there must be 20 to 30 on both sides. Doesn’t that mean my stomach is full of cysts? Doctor, can’t we remove all these cysts in one operation?

Doctor: Stop it! Stop imagining! These are not cysts or tumors at all. They are just a bunch of small follicles that have not grown. There is no need for surgery!

In fact, many normal people will also have "polycystic manifestations" under B-ultrasound, especially adolescent girls. If there is no irregular menstruation, acne, hair loss, hirsutism and other skin manifestations, then you don't need to pay attention to it at all, just follow up regularly!

Urology & Gynecology

Patient: Doctor, I feel uncomfortable down there...

Doctor: Can you be more specific?

Patient: It hurts when I pee, and I always want to pee.

Doctor: It sounds like you have a urinary tract infection. You should see a urologist.

Patient: Why make it so troublesome? You are the ones who take care of women’s private parts!

Let me remind you again that urinary tract infection, hematuria and other "urinary" problems are not the first thing you should see a gynecologist for!

Endocrinology & Gynecological Endocrinology

Patient: Doctor, my thyroid function is not good. They said I have an endocrine problem. Can you help me take a look?

Doctor: Then you should go to the "Endocrinology Department" instead of the "Gynecological Endocrinology Department"!

Patient: I thought women’s endocrine problems were all called “gynecological endocrine” problems…

Endocrinology mainly deals with diabetes, obesity, and diseases of the thyroid, pituitary, and adrenal glands, and belongs to the category of internal medicine. Gynecological endocrinology mainly deals with diseases such as irregular menstruation, infertility, menopausal syndrome, and abnormal sexual development, and belongs to the category of gynecology. Of course, there is some overlap between the two in clinical practice.

Cervicology & Gynecology

Patient: Doctor, could you please order a transvaginal ultrasound for me so I can see if the fibroids have gotten bigger.

Cervical doctor: Auntie, we don’t treat fibroids here. Please go to the gynecology clinic to get a prescription for vaginal ultrasound.

Patient: It is clearly written on your door - "Conduct colposcopy examination", how come you say it is not possible?

Cervical doctor: Auntie, that is called a “colposcopy”, it has nothing to do with vaginal ultrasound!

Patient: What a mess! I just want to check it out. Why are you making it so complicated?

Cervical doctor: Vaginal ultrasound is the abbreviation of "transvaginal B-ultrasound", which is used to observe the uterus, ovaries and other organs in the pelvic cavity, while the colposcope is a "magnifying glass"-like device used to check whether there are any abnormalities in the cervix (including the vagina and vulva).

Content from : Gu Zhuowei Shanghai Renji Hospital Medical Service Number