Embrace your vulnerable self: How to accept yourself

Author: Jian Jia, deputy chief physician of Shandong Mental Health Center

Reviewer: Mi Guolin, Chief Physician, Shandong Mental Health Center

The word "roll" is very popular nowadays. My test scores are not as good as others, so I "roll", so I work hard and stay awake every night, and I am so tired that I collapse; I am too fat and do not meet the physical fitness standards, so I "roll", and I don't eat or drink to lose weight, but in the end I have lost my physical strength and am malnourished; there is still a lot of work to be done, but I still "roll", working tirelessly and inefficiently, and the consequences can be imagined.

In the workplace, people who fail to meet performance targets, have low work efficiency, have unsatisfactory income, are criticized by leaders, isolated by colleagues, and are tricked by clients, etc., can all make us vulnerable in a minute. If we don't adjust our mentality well and encounter setbacks, we will become vulnerable and often "roll up". But besides passively "rolling up", what else can we do?

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When we are vulnerable, we choose to talk to our family members, and we are often comforted like this: "It's okay, be strong", "Why are you so fragile, can't you be stronger?", "Look who is like you? Why are you so fragile?" It seems that we don't get comfort, but feel a deeper level of misunderstanding. We originally asked for comfort and hugs, but in return we get more depression and sadness, and continue to "endure life" in a fragile way.

Sometimes we choose to show weakness to our leaders, “Leader, I’ve been very busy lately, but I dare not just lie down. I really can’t stand it anymore. I find myself very fragile recently,” and the answer we get might be, “Why don’t you take a rest? However, your performance will be deducted according to the situation, which may affect your year-end evaluation…” “It’s really tiring, but there’s no way. Someone has to do the work. You complain to me, but I’m also very tired and fragile. You see, I still have a lot of things to do. Can you come back another day?” “Who should I complain to? You can’t even stand a small job? You people are really hopeless…” If we get these “comforts”, we can only “roll up” again, which will really leave a few more scars on our fragile little hearts.

When we encounter setbacks and failures, we will label ourselves as losers; when friends around us don’t listen to us, we will say that we are unpopular; when we are heartbroken, we will regard ourselves as people who cannot fall in love...

When we are vulnerable, when we regret the past and worry about the future, do we ever take advantage of our senses to smell the birds and flowers? Or even smell the air that we take for granted every day? The world is so big, why is it so difficult for a fragile self to get a warm hug? Do you know how to accept yourself? Can you give yourself a hug? Give yourself a hug and accept yourself, okay?

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Isn't it yourself who can give yourself a hug? It's okay to be vulnerable and resilient; it's okay to be sad and fail. This may be the norm in life. When you meet your vulnerable self, what's wrong with lying down? Lying down temporarily is to get up and fight better. Nothing is more important than supporting yourself. Have you ever thought about whether people in the workplace are really adapted to their current jobs? Where are the shortcomings in your work? Have you learned and improved your shortcomings in a targeted manner? When you have made enough efforts but have not obtained the results you want, have you correctly evaluated your level of effort? It is inevitable that people in the workplace who are unwilling to work hard can lie down on the spot, so just "lie down" with confidence and stop "resilient". When hard-working people in the workplace are vulnerable, it is also okay to "resilient". Allow yourself to be vulnerable, allow yourself to be inferior to others, and allow yourself to have unfavorable conditions around you. Why do you always have to set a limit for yourself? Do you have to be this way or that way to be worthy of others? Do you have to be strong all the time to be the real you?

The warmest hug is given by yourself. It can give you a better comfort and a better view of the things in front of you, so as to achieve peace of mind. With a peaceful mind, we can correctly evaluate ourselves and achieve better development.

So, how can we accept ourselves? First, we should know ourselves objectively and remove the subjective labels attached to ourselves, such as "I am a failure" and "I am a fool". Second, we should not judge success or failure by one thing, but try to exercise our ability to cope with setbacks. Third, we should not avoid our shortcomings or deficiencies, but learn to appreciate ourselves. Fourth, if the above changes are difficult, we can seek help from a psychotherapist.

References

[1] Liu Junmin. Super Stress Resistance[M]. Beijing: Posts and Telecommunications Press, 2013.