"I feel sorry for my boyfriend because I'm not a virgin."

She confided in me at a weekend gathering with friends.

When I heard this, I was shocked, "Is your boyfriend trying to PUA you?"

Don't blame me for being so sensitive. It was the case of Bao Li, a student at Peking University, who was mentally controlled and tortured to death by her boyfriend two years ago that left a deep impression on me. A man, under the pretext of loving her, demanded "tattoos, pregnancy, abortion, fallopian tube removal", etc. Just because she was not a virgin, he tortured her in disguised ways, until he "forced to death" a young girl from a top university.

News screenshots

After that, I once went undercover in various forums to see what methods PUAs used. I also saw their summary of their experience in picking up girls in a group called "Bad Boy Academy PUA".

Maybe some people think these tricks are a bit ridiculous. Can they really deceive girls?

Yes! And many girls fall in love with him.

Fortunately, my friend did not meet a PUA man, but he was indeed a man with very strong feudal ideas. In the end, I could only advise my friend to let nature take its course. If it is not suitable, there is really no need to force it to be together.

But in the world of real PUA men, it’s not that easy if you want to leave!

It is really important to learn to identify PUA men, or even scumbag men, before all the harm comes.

Men who are good at PUA usually use these "routines":

Before

Before being together

When we first met, he would often say things like “I’ve had my share of emotional problems and I won’t fall in love again, but after meeting you, I started to yearn for love again.”

This will make you feel unique, and it can also inspire your "motherly love", and even make you feel that you can "save" him. Therefore, these words have been proven to work time and time again.

He said he loves you, but he didn't say he only loves you.

But once the relationship is truly established, he will use "maternal love" to threaten you and constantly satisfy his "unreasonable" demands.

Self-compensation psychology

In interpersonal relationships, people will use suggestion to fill the gap psychologically in order to make up for some reality gaps.

That is: men build their own rich "emotional experience" to make the simple girls have a certain experience gap. In the future, girls will try their best to meet the other party's requirements.

Ing

When we were together

He will then start to want to "softly" control you, and then consciously or unconsciously set various rules and regulations:

——We must be honest with each other and not hide anything from each other~

——I will be on call 24 hours a day, you should do the same~

Of course, when he says this, he may still sadly accuse "the ex who did something without telling him and hurt him badly", so he hates being deceived.

Many girls would feel heartbroken when they heard this and would nod their heads in agreement.

Pygmalion Effect

This is a psychological effect where the "victim" consciously strives to achieve a predetermined outcome.

That is: a man's "no cheating" and "being available 24 hours a day" is actually a subtle means of control. Under this psychological effect, the girl will gradually become completely frank and contact the man by phone anytime and anywhere, which is equivalent to being completely controlled.

After

After being together

After the first two steps are laid, he will start to magnify your "mistakes" to control you:

For example, one day due to work, you have dinner with a male colleague and continue to work overtime. Because you are busy and don’t answer the phone, he will start to get angry.

——Why didn't you say you were having dinner with a guy? I'm not doubting you, you know I hate it when people lie to me!

——I keep my phone on 24 hours a day, waiting for you to come back, worried that something might happen to you. I did it, but what about you?

At this time, the girl will feel that it is all her fault, and then day after day, she will be firmly controlled by the other party's PUA:

Stockholm Effect

Also known as the hostage complex, it refers to a complex in which the victim develops feelings for the perpetrator and even helps the perpetrator in return.

That is: under long-term brainwashing, verbal abuse and other control, girls may develop this complex and feel that this kind of harm to themselves is an indispensable part of life, thus becoming more dependent on men.

Last

at last

When you are completely unable to resist, you can let him do whatever he wants:

——"Since you know you are wrong, prove it to me"

——"Since you said so...then prove it to me"

The so-called "punishment" in the "Bao Li case" may occur.

Source | "Peking University student Bao Li case" news

Eventually, you may overturn all your self-worth, just like Bao Li wrote this paragraph to say goodbye to her PUA boyfriend before she chose to commit suicide:

"I met you, the shining one, and I am just a piece of trash."

In an intimate relationship,

Any control "in the name of love" is more terrible than not loving.

Girls, when looking for a boyfriend, you must keep your eyes open.

Don't fall into a man's sweet trap

I hope you love yourself more than love.

Find your inner satisfaction, confidence and happiness

For example, a career you love

A few genuine friends and a healthy and positive social circle

Only love yourself more

Only then can we recognize those who cheat, domestic violence, suppression, control, etc.

All the people or things that may pull you into the abyss