Why is it difficult to get along with the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? Four tips to deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

The conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been going on for thousands of years. The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have almost become natural enemies, leaving the man who should have the love of two women caught in the middle and suffering from the pressure. Many people do not know how to handle this kind of relationship, which leads to the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law becoming more and more serious.

Contents of this article

1. Why is it difficult for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to get along?

2. How to best handle the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

3. Four tips for dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

Why is it difficult to get along with the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

1. Different living habits, big differences

There is a generation gap between young people and the elderly. If two people live together, it is difficult to get along. The mother-in-law has her own set of habits, and the family has been used to it for at least 20 years. Suddenly a woman joins, and all the previous habits may have to be changed, especially when encountering some daughters-in-law with their own ideas. At this time, the conflict will deepen. For example, many young people now do not eat breakfast, go to bed late at night, and do not get up the next morning. But the elderly have a more regular life and think that they must eat breakfast in the morning to be good for their health. In this way, if neither party in the communication changes, the mother-in-law will think that the daughter-in-law is too lazy.

In addition, the elderly are more frugal and used to living frugally, but the young daughter-in-law is more used to dressing up and enjoying life, thinking that the money earned should be spent. The mother-in-law may feel distressed at these times, thinking that it is her son's money that is being spent, and she will gradually have opinions. Nowadays, young people basically do not eat leftovers, and the elderly may leave them for the next meal if they cannot finish them. In addition, young people are more clean and will be more careful when washing clothes, washing socks and underwear separately, but the elderly may not care so much. If this is not resolved during communication, the conflict will gradually deepen. The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law each have their own ideas, and conflicts will arise.

2. It’s all because I love this man

In fact, many people know that the key point of the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law lies in the man, the mother-in-law's son and the daughter-in-law's husband, but most men are unable to reconcile. Most of them stand on the mother's side and don't coax their wives. Many times, it is because the mother-in-law loves her son too much. After taking care of her son for so many years, she has not learned to let go. When she sees that her son belongs to another woman, she will feel uncomfortable and have opinions about this woman. The daughter-in-law thinks that I will spend my whole life with him, and he should treat me better, but the two women have a little conflict, so she stands on the mother-in-law's side, and slowly the daughter-in-law will have more opinions about the mother-in-law.

3. It’s not easy to let go of a quarrel

In fact, even if a family is together, there will inevitably be conflicts, but the family is of one mind, there is no overnight hatred, after all, they are all relatives, there is nothing to hate. But the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are different. The two have not seen each other for more than 20 years and have no feelings. Suddenly, they live together. Some mistakes in life are intolerable to both sides. After the quarrel, the conflict will only get bigger and bigger. After the mediation, both people still have knots in their hearts, which are not easy to let go, and there will still be conflicts.

4. Preconceived notions that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is difficult to handle

As some unmarried people know, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is difficult to get along with. Many unmarried women are worried that they will be bullied by their mother-in-law. And there will be many people around them who will give them experience, and they may often quarrel with their mother-in-law. The mother-in-law also knows that it is difficult for two women to get along. Before the daughter-in-law came, she may have made plans in her mind. So when the two people start to get along, if there is a small problem, they will magnify it, thinking that the other party may be deliberately making things difficult, and they will find the relationship more and more difficult to handle. They have already preconceived ideas in their hearts, so when conflicts arise, they may not cooperate to solve them.

How to best handle the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

1. Face up to the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law

You must have read many articles or watched many TV dramas about the conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. You may have also heard people around you confide their conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to you. But you should carefully consider how to deal with this kind of relationship when it happens to you. First of all, women should remember that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a relationship that you must face in marriage. You should face this relationship because it is part of your marriage. You need to list some foreseeable problems in advance and think about how to solve them. Don't take it lightly, and don't let it go when the time comes, because there may be many unexpected problems at that time. If you are not prepared in advance, you will not be able to deal with them well, which will only make the conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law deeper and deeper. No matter how terrible others describe the conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, you should not worry about it. Treat it calmly to handle the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law well.

2. Treat it as a subsidiary marriage

In the previous point, we mentioned that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is part of marriage, because the mother-in-law is your husband's mother, and you can't ignore her existence. Therefore, you should try to manage the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law as an attached marriage. Even if you can't treat the relationship between husband and wife as attentive, you must show the right attitude. After all, the mother-in-law is also a person, not a devil. If you are considerate, filial, and sensible, you can also move her. If you try hard but can't move her, it only means that you are using the wrong method. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is essentially the same as interpersonal relationships. There will always be a breakthrough. You have to observe carefully. If one method is not feasible, try another method. If you insist that she is an "evil mother-in-law" and just complain blindly without trying to resolve the conflict, then you can only be tortured all the time, because the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will follow you if it is not resolved.

3. Men are the key

On the surface, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is just the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but in fact it is a relationship between three people. Don't forget that the common property between them is men. Therefore, men are the key point in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and also the breakthrough point for resolving the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. This requires men to consciously maintain the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, first break them down one by one, and then aggregate them. If men understand this, there will basically be no conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. However, many men do not understand this. When the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law occurs, he runs faster than a rabbit and wishes to hide as far away as possible. If this is the case, women are required to guide men to participate in resolving the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. If you know how to do it, teach him. After all, he is the son of the mother-in-law, and it is easier to approach and persuade the mother-in-law.

4. There must be communication

Since the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a relationship between people, communication is essential to make this relationship of quality. This is the same as when you talk to clients, make friends, and fall in love, you need to communicate, both spiritually and physically. It should be noted that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a relationship between women, so this point should be taken into account in communication. It is said that women understand women best, so use your instinct to cater to their preferences. Since you can conquer this mountain of men, then the mother-in-law is not a problem for you at all, provided that you are willing to take the initiative to manage the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and willing to take the initiative to resolve the conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. If you are not willing, then no one can save you.

Four tips for dealing with mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships

Tip 1: Give more, don’t ask for rewards

A big reason for the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is that both sides think that they are the ones who have contributed the most. The mother-in-law thinks that it is not easy to raise her son after working hard for half a lifetime. It is not easy for her to marry her son off, and she cannot enjoy the happiness. She has to face the difficulties of the ignorant daughter-in-law all day long, which is really infuriating. The daughter-in-law thinks that she lives in her husband's family, does not need to be supported by her husband's family, and gives birth to sons and daughters for her husband's family. She is the one who has contributed the most. If the mother-in-law asks her to do this and that, she really does not regard herself as a family member. If the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law use this kind of thinking to deal with the relationship all day long, then the relationship between the two will be very difficult to deal with. Now, it is better for both of them to calm down and make contributions with a peaceful mind. In the spirit of "all for the family", I think the relationship between the two will definitely ease.

Tip 2: Live separately and communicate frequently

For a long time, we have advocated that the parents-in-law and the son's family live together. We have noticed that this is a unique product of the agricultural society. For the convenience of labor and taking care of the family, there is nothing wrong with this family model. However, we have entered a new era, and young people are more advanced and open-minded. If this model is still adopted, the communication between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law may be very awkward. Therefore, it is a better method to advocate that the parents-in-law and the daughter-in-law live separately. Distance creates beauty. In this tension and relaxation, the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law can create beauty in a relatively good distance.

Tip 3: The son mediates and speaks in the middle

As we all know, if the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law is not handled well, as a son, he will not only be in an awkward situation, but also may create a vicious cycle, which may hurt the family. However, as a son and a man, while bearing these pressures, he must also have ways to mediate. When the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law quarrel, if the matter is caused by the mother-in-law, then as a son, he should coax the daughter-in-law well, and let the daughter-in-law not get angry with her mother in accordance with the principle of filial piety, and the elders are the most important. If the matter is caused by the daughter-in-law, the son should communicate well with his wife, explain the ins and outs of the matter calmly, and then apologize to his mother.

Tip 4: Join in the interaction and have fun

Communication is a good way to handle all kinds of relationships, especially the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can participate in more family activities, such as family birthday parties, dinners, parent-child activities, travel, etc. In this way, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is likely to become a friendship, and the two sides will get along more happily. With the development of the economy today, participating in psychological counseling activities and seeking solutions to the tension between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law from professional psychological counseling institutions is also a good way.