A woman's charm comes from practice! 11 rules of charm

Many women believe that charm is innate, which can actually convey a negative emotion to you and make you less confident in facing life. In her book "Charm", Olivia Fox Cabane, a professional trainer in charm and leadership, teaches women 11 rules of charm. Once you learn these skills, you will feel the changes in the eyes of people around you.

1: Three elements of charm: focus, strength, and warmth

Charm has three important components: focus, strength and warmth.

Focus : Always pay attention to what is happening, and don't be entangled in your own thoughts. If you can do this, you will benefit greatly. When you show this state, people around you will feel heard and respected.

Because your body language reveals your inner state to those around you, you must display attractive body language to present your best self and show strength and warmth.

Because your brain cannot distinguish between fantasy and reality, your body language will naturally display charm as long as you create an attractive inner environment.

·State of mind is crucial to achieving charm. As long as you have the right state of mind, the corresponding charming behavior and body language will naturally flow out.

2: Physical and mental comfort is the prerequisite for showing charm

Any internal discomfort—physical or mental—will affect the way you feel, act, and look.

The body language that expresses tension over something as minor as sun glare is the same as the body language that is produced by more serious discomforts, such as anxiety or disgust.

Prevention is best: plan ahead to ensure comfort in your attire, location and timing.

Be able to perceive physical discomfort. Once this discomfort occurs during the interaction, please take immediate action to alleviate it or explain it to the other party in a timely manner.

Use a similar approach to blame shifting to mitigate feelings of anxiety, uncertainty, and dissatisfaction that can show up in your body language and inhibit your ability to be charming.

Understand that negative mental states—such as anxiety, dissatisfaction, self-blame, and self-doubt—are normal and everyone experiences them.

3: Clear away negative emotions and let your charm come from your heart

If you want to be charming, you must first overcome the main obstacle to charm: inner discomfort.

Use three steps to skillfully handle discomfort: downplay the discomfort, moderate negative thoughts, and reframe your understanding of reality.

De-personalize and de-dramatize discomfort by telling yourself that it is part of our survival instinct and a normal part of the human experience. Think about other people who are going through the same feelings, especially people you admire, and see yourself as part of a community of humans who are sharing the same feelings at this moment.

Relieve unhelpful negative thinking by remembering that the brain often distorts reality, filtering out and amplifying the negative in your environment. Think of negative thinking as graffiti on the wall. You may think they are ugly, but seeing ugly things does not make you an ugly person.

Reframe reality – Consider multiple helpful interpretations of reality. For best results, write out your new understanding of reality longhand, describing the details in great, vivid detail.

Advanced Practice: Step into the uncomfortable feeling. This gives your mind a specific object to focus on, shifting attention away from judging the feeling (e.g., “I can’t stand this anymore”).

4: For important occasions, rehearsal makes your charm more guaranteed

·Creating a charismatic mindset is the key to unleashing your charismatic potential.

· Situational imagination can help you create a good mindset, which will lead to better body language. Use your five senses vividly and specifically to maximize the effectiveness of your scenario.

Practice gratitude, kindness and compassion, and self-compassion. They can help you open up and show warmth and strength.

Like a professional athlete before a game, you need to warm up before you can reach your peak performance. Before important occasions, try to avoid contact with people or things that may affect your mentality, and arrange things that can enhance warmth and self-confidence.

Your body affects your mind. Work through the scenario in reverse and practice using appropriate body movements and facial expressions to promote a desired mindset.

5: Charm in social interaction: appearance, communication, and exit

First impressions are made in microseconds and can influence not only the entire interaction, but your entire relationship.

People like people who are like themselves in some way, including in appearance and behavior. Do your homework ahead of time, decide how well you want to adapt to your environment, and position yourself in terms of your clothing and language.

A good handshake means a lot. On the other hand, a bad handshake can ruin a first impression and make it last. It is important to take the time to learn the perfect way to salute.

Good conversations shine a spotlight on others and make them feel good.

Learn how to exit a conversation gracefully and leave a positive impression.

6: The charm of listening and the skills of speaking

Strength, concentration and warmth are essential to attractive listening and speaking.

Excellent listening skills are key to demonstrating concentration.

Never interrupt others. Sometimes it's okay to pause for a second or two before speaking.

People will make a strong connection between the emotions you bring to them and who you are, so avoid making negative connections and making the other person feel like they are doing something wrong or not good enough.

· Give others good feelings, especially good feelings about yourself. Don't try to impress others, instead be attracted to others and they will love you for it.

·Use more images: Use images, metaphors, and language with rich sensory experiences to express attractive information.

Use as few words as possible to convey the highest possible value: entertainment, information, and a good feeling.

Show strength with your voice: Slow down your speech rhythmically, add pauses, and level your tone.

Show affection with your voice: Smile or imagine smiling.

7: Express your charm with your body language

· Language is processed by logical thinking, while non-verbal communication can directly affect the other person's emotional state.

When verbal and nonverbal communications convey the same message, nonverbal communication can reinforce the verbal message.

When the two are inconsistent, people trust the message conveyed by nonverbal communication more.

Your emotions can be spread to another person through "emotional contagion." As a leader, the emotions expressed through your body language—no matter how brief or casual an interaction—can have a powerful ripple effect on your team and even your entire company.

To show warmth, make others feel comfortable: respect their personal space, mirror their body language, and keep your eyes relaxed.

When people need your affirmation and help, first mirror their body language, then lead them into a more peaceful, open, and confident posture.

When someone is defensive, offer them something to break the locked negative body language.

To show power, you need to occupy more space (be the biggest gorilla) while remaining stable (imperial posture).

Avoid verbal and nonverbal affirmations, such as frequent nodding and “uh-huh”s.

8: Be charming and easily solve six communication problems

Approach difficult people alone, using the right type of charm for their personality and situation.

Thank the other person for their help and positive influence. This will give the other person a reason to like you.

When delivering bad news, enter a compassionate mindset and express warmth and care in your timing, actions, and words.

When offering criticism, start with a good-faith attitude, focus on changing behavior, and avoid personal attacks.

When you apologize, show attentiveness in your listening, warmth in your apology, and strength in your plan to change or prevent recurrence.

· Use the same face-to-face communication skills when communicating on the phone and via email.

9: Nine key points of a charming speech

Your speech should have one main, simple, clear message, backed by three to five supporting arguments.

Illustrate each argument with an interesting story, statistic, example, or metaphor.

Keep your speeches short and sweet, making every sentence count.

·Try to arrive early and think about the scenario on stage.

Stand with your legs apart and balance, imagining yourself taking up as much space as possible. Avoid unnecessary movements that distract the audience.

Communicate with your audience as if you were sharing a secret. Tell them something special and private.

Smile more and adjust your voice to make it warmer.

Make eye contact with each member of your audience for one to two seconds.

Create frequent, deliberate pauses to demonstrate confidence, add drama to your speech, and give yourself a chance to breathe.

10: Show extraordinary charm in times of crisis

Charisma is particularly powerful in times of crisis.

Maintain a calm and confident attitude to bring positive emotions to others.

· Express high expectations and your complete trust in others’ abilities.

Articulate a bold vision that demonstrates your belief in your own abilities and your determination to act on it.

11: Eliminate the "negative" effects of charm

Charm can have several negative consequences: You may become a target of jealousy and resentment; others may reveal too much personal information to you; people may expect too much from you; being at the top can be lonely; and charm can work even when it's not the right thing to do.

To alleviate envy and resentment, you need to “reflect” or deflect praise and glory by emphasizing other people’s contributions and involving them in your achievements.

To stop the other person from oversharing, insert your own story; if it’s too late, let the other person know that you understand that what he or she said is only one aspect of himself or herself, not the whole story.

Showing vulnerability can make others like you more and feel closer to you. It also prevents people from having superhuman expectations of you—knowing everything, being omnipotent, and always right. Charm is a powerful tool, but it should be used with caution.