Children stay at home and don't want to go out? Parents, don't panic, experts are here to help you

As the temperature gradually warms up and everything comes back to life, it is a great time to go out for an outing, but many parents have this worry: "My children stay at home all day, sleeping, playing with their mobile phones, playing games, reading comics, and no matter how much I persuade them, they are unwilling to go out..."

The older the children get, the more they like to stay at home every day. Parents are very anxious, worried that their children's social functions will be damaged in the long run. Some parents force their children to go out, while others invite teachers to visit their homes. However, doing so not only does not get the children out of the house, but also makes the children more disgusted. Children may even have conflicts with their parents, lock themselves in the room and refuse to communicate with their parents.

As a parent, how do you understand your child's behavior? Zhou Yanan, director of the Department of Child and Adolescent Psychology and chief physician at the Second People's Hospital of Hunan Province (Provincial Brain Hospital) , pointed out that there are many reasons why children are reluctant to go out:

1. Increased self-awareness

As children grow older, their self-awareness becomes stronger. They have changed greatly from initially relying on their parents to now paying more attention to their own inner world. This psychological change makes children tend to be in their own little world. They can find the fun and satisfaction they want in their own world, and they don't necessarily need external stimulation.

2. Social anxiety or shyness

Children may feel anxious and insecure because of fear of rejection, worry about embarrassment or embarrassment, or nervousness, and thus avoid participating in social activities or show uncomfortable and avoidant behavior in social situations.

Adolescents, in particular, may be more sensitive and afraid of performing poorly in public, worrying that their words and actions will be ridiculed or judged by others. Therefore, they would rather choose loneliness than take the risk of trying to socialize.

3. Interest shift

Children's interests can really be described as "changeable". Things they used to like very much may change, weaken or shift to other aspects at a certain stage.

Perhaps at this stage, children just don’t like going out. They want to do other things they like. At this time, the virtual world such as mobile phones, computers, and games provides instant satisfaction, and children may feel that it is more interesting and easier than real life.

4. Academic pressure

When children’s grades are unsatisfactory or their study tasks are heavy, they may develop the idea that “it’s useless no matter how hard they try” and start avoiding school or social activities to avoid comparison and evaluation. They may also think that “going out to play is a waste of time” and lose the motivation to go out under long-term high pressure. Some children, due to their parents’ or their own excessive demands on themselves, believe that “all tasks must be completed before they can rest”, which leads to long-term closed-door study.

5. Influence of family environment

When parents quarrel, divorce, or are overly controlling, children may choose to stay at home as a way of self-protection to avoid being involved in conflicts or facing inquiries from the outside world.

If there is a lack of emotional support from the family, the child may feel lonely, think "no one understands me", distrust others, and not want to go out. If parents are overprotective and do many things for their children, it will make the child feel uncertain about his own abilities and the outside world, and rely on the small environment of the family.

6. Physical or mental health problems

Physical illness or fatigue can make it difficult for children to participate in outdoor activities due to lack of physical strength. Obesity, acne, physical disabilities, etc. may make children afraid of being laughed at or noticed, and choose to isolate themselves. Physical changes during adolescence, such as early or late development, may cause children to feel ashamed and unwilling to go out.

If a child does not want to go out for a long time, it may be due to psychological problems such as depression and anxiety. If the child is accompanied by low mood, changes in appetite, sleep problems, and aversion to school, parents need to pay attention, take the child to a doctor as soon as possible, and conduct psychological intervention.

Chief Physician Zhou Yanan also pointed out that if children are reluctant to go out, the guidance of parents is crucial:

1. Listen to your child and communicate patiently

Parents should communicate with their children with an attitude of understanding and respect, and arrange a dedicated parent-child communication time every day, such as half an hour after dinner. During this time, parents put down their work and communicate with their children attentively, so that children know that their opinions are valued. First, understand the reasons why children are reluctant to go out, and use open-ended questions to guide their expressions, such as "You don't seem to want to go out to play recently, what happened?"

Avoid denying your child's feelings, such as "What's there to be afraid of or worried about?" Instead, acknowledge their concerns, such as "It sounds like you find going out a bit tiring and boring, right?" In this way, you can gradually build up your child's trust in you and lay the foundation for guiding your child to go out later.

2. Stimulate interest and create opportunities

Parents can carefully observe their children's interests and hobbies, and then use this as a starting point to create reasons for them to go out. If the child likes food, parents can encourage them to visit stores and check in, and tell the child, "This newly opened store is said to have the flavors you like, why not try it?" If the child likes painting, parents can often take the child to art exhibitions and outdoor sketching; if the child likes photography, parents can suggest taking photos in parks, suburbs and other beautiful places; if the child loves sports, why not go play ball or swim together.

Parents can give their children the right to choose and provide them with 2-3 feasible options, such as "Do you want to go cycling or hiking on the weekend?" to reduce their resistance. If the child really does not want to go out at the moment, then respect them and parents can accompany and take care of them at home. You can take the child to do other interesting things at home, such as making desserts, playing parent-child games, watching movies, etc.

3. Set goals and move forward step by step

Parents can first set small goals that are very easy to achieve, such as asking the child to walk to the door of the house and stand there for a while, and then gradually increase the difficulty, such as walking with the child in the community for 5 minutes, and then slowly extend the time and distance of going out. You can also set some rules, such as "Wi-Fi is turned off on weekend mornings, but you can go to your favorite milk tea shop to do homework in the afternoon", "If you want to order takeout, you need to go downstairs to pick it up (creating the necessity of going out)".

Every time a small goal is completed, the child should be affirmed and rewarded in time. The reward can be a book the child likes, a chance to watch a movie, etc. In this way, the child can gain a sense of accomplishment in the gradual challenges, so that he or she will be more willing to go out on his or her own initiative.

4. Improve the family environment

Parents should strive to create a harmonious and warm family atmosphere, reduce quarrels, and not repeatedly emphasize that their children are introverted, homebodies, and useless, thereby discouraging their children. Parents should not play with their mobile phones and refuse to go out while always accusing their children of being "homebodies."

Parents should set a good example for their children, share the joy of going out with their children, and organize more family activities. They can hold a family meeting to discuss what to do during the holidays or weekends, and let the children decide the content and methods of the activities. Parents should respect the children's suggestions and let family members take turns to make decisions. When one person makes the decision, others can make suggestions but need to respect the decision of the decision maker to motivate the children.

At the same time, parents should give children a certain degree of autonomy and let them arrange some outdoor activities within a reasonable range. For example, if the child wants to go out to see a movie with friends, as long as there are no problems with time and safety, parents should support it. In this way, the child will feel respected and will be more willing to go out and experience the outside world.

Finally, Director Zhou Yanan wants to tell parents and friends that children's reluctance to go out is not "laziness" or "rebellion", there may be deeper reasons behind it. Parents need to listen patiently and guide them step by step, rather than force changes. Through understanding, support and appropriate encouragement, help children slowly go out of the house and establish healthy social and living habits.

Hunan Medical Chat Special Author: Lu Yajun, Department of Child and Adolescent Psychology, Hunan Second People's Hospital (Provincial Brain Hospital)

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(Edited by YT)