[Creative Cultivation Program] "Perfect Trap" - I want to get "100 points" in everything

"Why is he always so picky about everything I do? Once I do something that does not satisfy him, he will say that I am not capable enough or not good enough? Why does he always ask me to do things 100%? If you often have such people around you, he is undoubtedly a perfectionist. People who show the personality trait of "perfectionism", that is, "perfectionists", always hope to be a perfect person and always strive to do things to perfection.

However, is perfectionism a psychological problem? Are perfectionists really happy? How can we get along with our inner perfectionist tendencies? This article will tell you the answers.

An increasingly "perfect" world

Research shows that perfectionism has gradually become a social phenomenon that cannot be ignored. A study published in Psychological Bulletin in 2016 showed that today's college students have a significantly higher motivation to maintain perfection in their physical and mental health and career development than previous generations, which may have an impact on the mental health of adolescents.

The study analyzed data from more than 40,000 students from the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom, spanning from the late 1980s to 2016. The researchers measured three dimensions of perfectionism in total: self-oriented perfectionism, which is an unreasonable desire for perfection on the self; socially imposed perfectionism, which is the perception of excessive expectations from others; and other-oriented perfectionism, which is setting unrealistic standards for others. The study found that the scores of each type of perfectionism reported by recent generations of college students were significantly higher than those of previous generations. Specifically, from 1989 to 2016, scores for self-oriented perfectionism increased by 10%, socially imposed perfectionism increased by 33%, and other-oriented perfectionism increased by 16%.

Researchers believe that there are many factors that contribute to the increasing pursuit of perfectionism among young people. For example, social media puts pressure on young people to be more perfect than others. In addition, getting a good education, setting lofty career goals and making a lot of money are also manifestations of young people's pursuit of perfection. Many young people feel that perfectionism is necessary, and the pursuit of perfectionism can make them feel safe, socially connected and valuable. In fact, the increase in perfectionism will affect students' mental health. They are more prone to depression and anxiety than the generation of young people ten years ago.

The underlying motivation for the pursuit of perfection is fear

Of course, many people in this world also desire perfection and fear imperfections, but the difference is that perfectionists have an extreme desire for perfection and fear of imperfections. In 2001, researchers such as Slaney proposed that perfectionists' extreme desire for perfection is reflected in their extremely high demands on their own or others' behavior and performance. Not only that, this high standard is constantly improving. After reaching certain established standards, they will make higher demands on themselves or others. These high standards will inspire them to be more self-disciplined than others (and they will also hope that others can be self-disciplined), and they will constantly try to be better and more successful than others. At the same time, perfectionists are also extremely afraid of "imperfections". Once imperfections or imperfections occur, they will think that it is entirely the responsibility of "people" and is due to their own or others' own defects.

Perfectionism is a factor that depletes mental health. For example, due to excessive worry about mistakes, fear of negative evaluations from others, and excessive self-blame for negligence, perfectionists are prone to anxiety, depression and other emotional problems. At the same time, perfectionists are not "beautiful lovers". They are prone to being overly sensitive in intimate relationships. They always feel that their partner is aggressive about their partner's opinions or views. Therefore, they will also be more self-defensive and avoid exposing imperfections by distancing themselves from their partners. In 2016, researchers such as Staff found through a survey that compared with couples where neither party is a perfectionist, couples where at least one party is a perfectionist, both the perfectionists themselves and their partners have lower satisfaction ratings for the marriage.

How to quickly identify people: Perfectionists like to "bite their nails"

It is worth mentioning that perfectionists also have some behaviors that are different from ordinary people. A new study from the University of Montreal in 2015 showed that perfectionists are more likely to twirl their hair or bite their nails. Studies have shown that people who lack patience or get bored easily often have repetitive body-focused behaviors - BFRB (body-focused repetitive behavior), such as peeling dead skin, biting nails, and pulling eyelashes.

First, the participants answered some questions about their emotional experiences, expressing how deeply they experienced boredom, anger, guilt, and anxiety. Then the participants were placed in scenarios that created these emotions, such as leaving them alone in a room in a very boring situation. The results showed that 24 of the 48 subjects had BFRB behaviors, while the other half did not have these habits. In the experiment, those with BFRBs felt more anxious and negative when they felt nervous and negative. The underlying reason for these actions may be perfectionism. When perfectionists fail to achieve their goals, they are more likely to be frustrated, anxious, and disappointed. At the same time, perfectionists will feel more bored with life.

How to Coexist Peacefully with Perfectionism

Correction of acquired behavior and cognition can still help you improve to a great extent, or even surpass it. For example: Perfectionists can learn to forgive their own shortcomings. Everyone is not perfect and has advantages and disadvantages. This does not mean that you can give up on yourself. You can continue to learn and improve, but when you are powerless, you should accept reality and admit your limitations. Don't waste time doing things beyond your ability. At the same time, do your best. Don't let fear of criticism from others affect your performance. The definition of excellence is very broad, and excellence does not mean perfection. Learn in the process, not just pursue perfect results. Proper diet and exercise are for health, not just for ideal weight. If you are too worried about other people's evaluations and afraid that you are not perfect, this kind of perfectionism is self-destructive.

Finally, correcting cognition is not that easy, and the self-help behaviors mentioned above require persistent practice to continue to rise in the spiral.

References

Bailey, E. (2014). 20 Signs you might be a perfectionist. Health Central.

Benson, E. (2003). The many faces of perfectionism. American Psychological Association.

Cha, AE (2016). Your perfectionistparenting style may be detrimental to your child. The Washington Post.

Dahl, M. (2014). The alarming new research on perfectionism. Science of Us.

Flett, G., Blankstein, KR, Hewitt, PL, & Koledin, S. (1992). Components of perfectionism and procrastination incollege students. Social Behavior and Personality, 20(2), 85-94.

Gregoire, C. (2013). 14 Signs yourperfectionism has gotten out of control. Huffington Post.

Hewitt, PL & Flett, GL (1991). Perfectionism in the self and social context: Conceptualization, assessment, and association with psychopathology. Journal of Personality and SocialPsychology, 60(3), 456-470.

Moser, JS, Slane, JD, Burt, SA, &Klump, KL (2012). Etiologic relationships between anxiety and dimensions ofmaladaptive perfectionism in young adult female twins. Depression and Anxiety, 29, 47-53.

Sara, B. (2013). An exploration of adaptiveand maladaptive perfectionism as it relates to intimate relationships.Improving life.

Shrivastava, R. (2012). Are you aperfectionist? Tips to overcome perfectionism. Cognitive Healing.

Staff, PT (2003). The perfectionist'sflawed marriage. Psychology Today.

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