Don’t let your university self become an island

This is the 3159th article of Da Yi Xiao Hu

The psychiatrist said that Wang Hui was in a state of depression and anxiety and needed to take medication to improve her current situation. Wang Hui is a senior student. She still remembers that when she first entered college, Wang Hui had many beautiful expectations for her college life. During these four years of study and life, Wang Hui often had frictions with her classmates, and recently she broke up with her boyfriend of two years. Wang Hui felt that she was useless and tired of living and wanted to end her life. But she also thought that it was not easy for her parents to raise her and she should live well, so she came to seek help from a doctor!

We know that college is a period of rapid growth in our abilities and personalities. However, some students lack interpersonal skills, and their early bad interpersonal patterns continue into their current study life, leading to interpersonal conflicts, emotional problems, and even academic failure. It is a pity to think that these students have to work hard for many years to get into their dream school, but their lives are delayed because of interpersonal problems.

Looking back on our college life, we may have had some unpleasant interpersonal experiences. When they first entered college, many students had no experience of living independently. Their parents’ pampering made them self-centered and it was difficult for them to think from others’ perspectives. Students from different families from all over the country lived together. Due to different living habits and personalities, it was common for interpersonal relationship problems to occur. Some students were mentally unbalanced. Their academic and family performances were not as good as others, which led to inferiority complex and even jealousy, thus causing interpersonal conflicts. Some students have perfect expectations of others. Once their expectations are not met, they will resist or even attack. Due to problems in their original families, such as long-term disharmony and conflict between their parents, some students may not be able to handle interpersonal relationships and always solve them in a conflicting way. Some students are introverted, like to be alone, and do not like to interact with others. It seems that the causes of interpersonal conflicts among college students are both subjective and objective.

So, how to improve college students' interpersonal skills?

1. Improve self-awareness and improve negative cognition

When there is a conflict between people, we will focus on arguing about who is right and who is wrong, and the problem will be intensified. However, if we can be aware of ourselves, constantly understand ourselves, improve ourselves, find possible problems in ourselves, and actively improve them, then we will continue to improve our self-awareness and interpersonal communication skills. In the process of interpersonal communication, we must understand others, start from their perspective, learn to think from their perspective, and be considerate of others.

2. Master interpersonal skills and improve personal psychological quality

Learn from classmates who have strong interpersonal skills and observe how others interact with others. What do they do that you like? How should you do it? Learn to praise others. Praise is not hypocrisy, but appreciation based on facts. We know that no one likes to be criticized, and praise may become a driving force for growth and win good interpersonal relationships. And we know that in interpersonal communication, respect, sincerity, and understanding the other party from the perspective of others are the basis of interpersonal communication. Learning to respect others, treat others with a sincere attitude, and put yourself in the shoes of others requires us to study hard.

3. Learn to control your emotions and avoid conflicts

When we have conflicts with others, we must learn to deal with things without emotions. When we are emotional, what we say may be irrational and not what we really want to express. Therefore, it is important to learn to control our emotions and deal with the situation rationally. We need to practice this in our daily lives.

4. Seek professional help to improve your difficult situation

If we are troubled by interpersonal relationship problems in our study and life, we can seek professional help. Students can go to the school's psychological counseling center to seek professional help. We know that psychological counseling is also a special interpersonal relationship, and counseling itself is a process of interpersonal communication. So seeking help from professionals will help us get out of trouble and study and live better.

Author: Sang Hong, Party Secretary and President of Changchun Sixth Hospital

Fu Jia, psychotherapist at Changchun Sixth Hospital