This mentality may seem self-disciplined, but it may make you overeat and get fatter and fatter.

Imagine that in order to become more beautiful and healthier, you have been sticking to a weight loss plan for several weeks, but a friend suddenly gives you a piece of your favorite cake. What will you choose at this time?

I believe that many people would think that eating one piece is no big deal, but afterwards you still feel a little guilty, so the weight loss plan is gradually abandoned in the repeated "breaking of the rules".

In fact, you are not the only one facing this situation. Studies have shown that it is not easy for many dieters to lose weight. They lose control of their diet about 3 to 12 times a week during the diet. These small out-of-control situations usually cause them to gradually relax their diet plans or even give up on losing weight completely. Some people may even end up weighing more than before the diet.

Sometimes we can't help but wonder why, even though we have made a very strict weight loss plan and have been adhering to it with extraordinary self-discipline in the early stages, the stricter the self-discipline, the stronger the "reaction" seems to be? So is there any way to "painlessly lose weight"?

Copyright images in the gallery. Reprinting and using them may lead to copyright disputes.

Guilt makes us lose weight

During the weight loss process, many people have experienced a strong sense of guilt after eating food that they "should not eat". This sense of guilt comes from our strict demands on ourselves: we hope to achieve our weight goals through extreme self-discipline. Psychologists point out that appropriate self-requirements help us set and achieve goals, but when such demands become too strict, a self-critical voice will appear in our hearts, and we will over-criticize our performance or behavior, and it is often accompanied by strong self-blame and negative evaluation.

Self-criticism often appears in two forms. One is self-inadequacy (Inadequate Self), which means thinking that you cannot meet your own or others' expectations and feel that you are not good enough, such as thinking that you are "very bad" and "have no self-control" because you cannot control your diet. The other is self-hatred (Hated Self), which means feeling angry and hating yourself because of certain characteristics or behaviors of your own. For example, you think that you are "very pathetic" and "unworthy of a better self" because of your revengeful eating. In some extreme cases, it may even be accompanied by thoughts of self-punishment and self-harm.

Research has found that when people criticize themselves for accidentally losing control of their diet during self-disciplined dieting, it is easy for them to fall into a vicious cycle of "breaking the jar and breaking it". When a mistake is magnified into a denial of the overall self-discipline ability, the complex negative emotions in our hearts will be released like a flood, and we will suddenly feel shame, low self-esteem, anxiety and depression symptoms, which will cause a serious blow to our motivation to lose weight and self-efficacy. Losing weight is a long-distance race, but under the double blow of self-criticism and negative emotions, it will give rise to the idea of ​​"since I have failed anyway, I might as well give up completely", resulting in "getting fatter and fatter".

Copyright images in the gallery. Reprinting and using them may lead to copyright disputes.

The pitfalls of emotional eating

Guilt and self-criticism are not just psychological, they often trigger more behavioral responses. I believe everyone has had this experience: when you fail to lose weight, or when you feel depressed, anxious or stressed, you will unconsciously look for snacks to eat, thinking that you must eat some sweets to feel better.

This behavior is called emotional eating in psychology, which refers to the tendency of individuals to use food as a coping strategy to seek temporary relief or comfort when they are emotionally distressed. This eating behavior is often unrelated to physical hunger, but is more based on the satisfaction of psychological needs, because when we consume high-sugar, high-fat foods, the brain releases dopamine, which brings temporary pleasure and comfort.

Studies have found that emotional eating is one of the important reasons for weight loss failure and weight rebound. Because after the emotions are relieved, new guilt will follow, because we realize that we have "broken the rules" again, and then fall into a new round of emotional out-of-control and eating cycle, resulting in weight gain instead of weight loss.

More importantly, when we rely too much on emotional eating as a strategy to cope with negative emotions, and the actual problem is not solved, it will aggravate the original anxiety and depression and develop into more serious psychological problems.

How to achieve “painless self-discipline”?

In fact, not just weight loss, but all kinds of changes and habit-forming plans in life may lead to self-criticism and self-abandonment because we "break the rules" once or twice. Long-term self-criticism will reduce our sense of self-efficacy, that is, we no longer have strong confidence in ourselves. When faced with something that requires persistence and effort, we often have negative self-suggestions such as "My self-control is too poor" and "I can't do it". As a result, we unknowingly shape a self-concept that we think is "incompetent".

Therefore, we need some effective methods to enable ourselves to successfully execute and complete a plan to change ourselves, give ourselves certain positive feedback, increase our sense of self-efficacy, and use repeated successful changes to reshape ourselves into an "I can do it" self.

1. Set a reasonable and flexible plan

Whether it is a diet plan or a plan to develop new habits, the most important thing is not to achieve success overnight, but to get positive feedback frequently during the execution of the plan. Even a small success can bring us a strong sense of accomplishment. Therefore, we can first try to set a more reasonable and flexible plan instead of pursuing highly strict self-discipline, such as taking the following methods:

Setting the halving principle

If you normally eat dessert three times a week, then forcing yourself to completely give up sweets all of a sudden may be too radical. At this time, we can set a halving principle, such as reducing from three times a week to two times. This goal is easier to achieve and will not completely suppress your normal needs.

Gradually increase self-control

Start with small things and set small goals that can be accomplished every day, such as eating only one snack a day, or replacing a snack with a piece of fruit. Gradually develop the ability of self-discipline and make yourself more confident when facing temptation.

Set Free Day

As the saying goes, plans cannot keep up with changes. There are often unexpected events or mood swings in life that make it difficult for us to stick to our plans. Overly strict plans often lead to guilt caused by these small accidents. Therefore, we can make a more flexible diet plan and allow ourselves some leeway. For example, we can set up a "free day" every month to moderately relax the dietary restrictions on this day, so that even if we occasionally "break the rules", we can accept it calmly and continue to maintain self-discipline in the following diet.

Copyright images in the gallery. Reprinting and using them may lead to copyright disputes.

2. Self-empathy and acceptance of imperfection

Psychologists have found that self-compassion is an effective way to break the vicious cycle of guilt and emotional eating. It means that when we face mistakes or failures, we can show understanding, tolerance and support to ourselves instead of blindly blaming and criticizing ourselves. When we face mistakes, instead of self-criticism, we show self-compassion, which not only reduces anxiety and depression, but also helps us return to normal faster when our behavior is out of control.

To show self-empathy to yourself, you must first realize and stop demanding perfectionism from yourself, because demanding perfection from yourself often traps us in an all-or-nothing mindset. If you deviate from your plan even slightly, perfectionism can make you feel like a total failure, leading to a further mindset of giving up. For example, if you’ve already eaten an extra piece of cake in a day, perfectionism may make you feel like a failure, causing you to eat more food out of control. Accepting your imperfections with a tolerant and gentle attitude will help you persevere to the end.

Self-empathy is not something that can be achieved by just saying it, but a method that requires frequent and repeated practice. In daily life, we can practice it through the following three steps:

Awareness

When you feel your mood swings or eating out of control, first identify these emotions within yourself: “I’m feeling anxious/guilty/disappointed right now.”

Identification

Then tell yourself that this feeling is normal and happens to everyone: “Everyone feels out of control sometimes, and it’s common to feel out of control with your eating.”

appease

Finally, give yourself a comforting response, such as: "I am doing my best, and this loss of control will not affect my long-term goals."

Copyright images in the gallery. Reprinting and using them may lead to copyright disputes.

3. Use the 10-minute rule to deal with emotional eating

Emotional eating is our brain’s natural response to negative emotions. It’s impossible to completely avoid it, but we can set a 10-minute rule for ourselves to try to avoid this bad coping strategy.

When you want to use food to heal your mood, give yourself 10 minutes to evaluate whether you are really hungry or just emotional. This time can be used to think: What is my current mood? Can eating really solve my emotional problems? After 10 minutes, you may find that the urge to eat has subsided.

The principle of the 10-minute rule is actually to create a psychological buffer space in your heart to prevent yourself from being led astray by some emotional thoughts. This method is applicable to any situation where you want to avoid making impulsive decisions, such as impulse shopping, extreme behavior during quarrels, etc.

Therefore, if you often fail in self-discipline, you might as well try the above methods and try to adjust your mindset. The process of weight loss and self-discipline is not achieved overnight. Learning to empathize with yourself as you would with your best friend, accepting your small mistakes, and gradually building self-discipline are the keys to a long-term healthy life.

References

[1]Kelly,AC,&Carter,JC(2013).Why self-critical patients presentwithmoresevereatingdisorderpathology:The mediatingroleofshame. BritishJournalofClinicalPsychology, 52(2),148-161.

[2]Duarte,C.,Stubbs,JR,Gilbert,P.,Stalker,C.,Catarino,F.,Basran,J.,...&Morris,L.(2019).TheWeight‐FocusedFormsofSelf‐Criticising/Attacki ngandSelf‐ReassuringScale:ConfirmatoryFactorAnalysisandassociationswithcontrol,lossofcontrolofeatingandweightinoverweightandobesewomen. Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research and Practice, 92(4),539-553.

[3]vanStrien,T.,Cebolla,A.,Etchemendy,E.,Gutierrez-Maldonado,J.,Ferrer-Garcia,M.,Botella,C.,&Baños,R.(2013).Emotionaleatingandfoodintakeaftersadnessandjoy. Appetite, 66,20-25.

[4]Boone,L.,Vansteenkiste,M.,Soenens,B.,derKaap-Deeder,V.,&Verstuyf,J.(2014).Self-criticalperfectionismandbingeeatingsymptoms:alongitudinaltestoftheinterveningroleofpsychologicalneedfrustration. Journalofcounselingpsychology, 61(3),363.

Planning and production

Author: ACC Psychology Popular Science

Reviewer: Fan Chunlei, Associate Researcher, Institute of Psychology, Chinese Academy of Sciences