Do these two points and easily cultivate children's autonomy

Children's Day is coming soon. In the "Headline Health Truth" big health rumor-busting activity jointly initiated by Science Popularization China, Science Refutation, Toutiao, Zhong Nanshan Foundation, and Academician Chen Xiaoping's Health Studio, Shenzhen Health Commission and Toutiao jointly created a short play with an interesting theme - How to cultivate children's autonomy?

The question is: How to enhance children’s sense of autonomy?

Indeed, a child’s sense of autonomy is crucial to the development of intrinsic motivation, and research shows that when parents encourage and support their children’s autonomy, they tend to demonstrate greater psychological adaptability and self-motivation when they enter college.

The so-called sense of autonomy is actually the ability of an individual to express his or her wishes and make choices freely in social interactions.

To be autonomous means to act according to one's own will. In other words, to say what one wants to say and do what one wants to do. However, autonomy is not the same as doing whatever one wants. True autonomy is to stick to one's own beliefs and take responsibility for one's own actions while respecting others.

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Therefore, if you want to enhance your child's sense of autonomy, parents should not only give their children good guidance, but also leave them room to make their own decisions:

1. Enhance connections and encourage expression

Secure attachment is an important form of providing children with a sense of security, which is the basis for children to bravely explore the world and develop autonomy and independence. When children feel safe and loved, they are more willing to express their feelings and thoughts, and are more likely to make decisions and solve problems independently.

At the same time, free expression will in turn promote a sense of autonomy. Research shows that when children express their thoughts and opinions in interactions with adults, they can enhance their sense of autonomy. Therefore, parents should create opportunities for children to express their opinions freely, even if these opinions may differ from those of adults.

2. Set boundaries and offer choices

Setting boundaries is about making sure your child understands what behaviors are allowed and what are unacceptable. These boundaries should be based on the family's values, society's moral norms, and your child's safety needs. By setting boundaries, your child can understand the boundaries of their behavior, so that they can follow the rules while also feeling a certain degree of freedom.

Providing choice, a core feature of supporting personal autonomy, is about allowing children to make decisions within set boundaries, such as letting them decide what to have for dinner (choosing from healthy foods) or choosing their own extracurricular activities.

Giving children enough freedom within a limited range of choices can not only make them feel autonomous, but also ensure that their choices are in line with the family's expectations and values. It should be noted that the premise for children to experience a sense of choice is to obtain sufficient information.

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However, to ensure that children are able to make informed decisions, we need to ensure that they have adequate information. Clearly and explicitly explain to children why certain options are possible, why they are possible, and the possible consequences of each option.

Make sure your child understands the specifics of each option and understands that their choice affects not only themselves but also other family members. This open and transparent communication will not only strengthen their decision-making skills and help them build critical thinking, but also help them develop a sense of autonomy and responsibility.

References

[1] William Stickrud and Ned Johnson. Self-Driven Growth Practice. Beijing: Machinery Industry Press. 2024.

[2] Edward L. Deci and Richard Frust. Intrinsic motivation: the power of self-control in life. Beijing: Machinery Industry Press. 2020.

[3] l Ilaria Castelli, D. Massaro et al. “The More I Can Choose, The More I Am Disappointed: The “Illusion of Control” in Children’s Decision-Making.” (2017). 55-60.

Author: Su Jing, National Level 2 Psychological Counselor

Reviewer: Zhang Xin, Associate Professor, School of Psychology and Cognitive Science, Peking University