[Award-winning works of Huimin County’s “Mental Health and Psychological Counseling” essay contest] What should I do if my child is addicted to mobile phones?

1. The truth behind children playing mobile games

1. The Nature of Game Addiction

Internet addiction, also known as pathological Internet use, refers to people's excessive reliance on the Internet, especially online games, and their improper use.

Game addiction is a common dependence phenomenon among people. Its formation principle is basically similar to that of alcohol addiction, smoking addiction, gambling addiction, drug addiction, mahjong addiction, square dancing addiction, etc.

Internet use is a psychological compensation behavior caused by the obstruction of certain behaviors and desires in the psychological development of children and adolescents. If "pathological compensation" is formed, it will cause overcompensation, leading to developmental deviations and interruptions, that is, Internet addiction behavior.

1. Symptoms of Internet Addiction

Internet game addiction, Internet pornography addiction, Internet relationship addiction, Internet information addiction, Internet transaction addiction, etc.

2. The dangers of Internet addiction

First, it will seriously affect the child's normal study. Second, it will seriously affect the child's physical health. Third, it will cause the child to behave abnormally.

Being addicted to mobile games has indeed brought harm to many children, but the children themselves are the victims of the games. Therefore, we parents and teachers cannot simply blame the children, but must face and solve the problems together with the children.

We cannot stigmatize others at will, and we have no qualifications or rights to do stupid things. One of the important reasons why many children are addicted to mobile games is that they want to use them to escape and fight against their parents' indifference, denial, humiliation, and attacks.

I suggest that you always stand with the child to defeat the problem, rather than standing with the problem to defeat the child.

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2. Diagnostic criteria for gaming addiction

The International Classification of Diseases has three criteria for gaming addiction

1. Playing games uncontrollably.

2. Increasingly and frequently placing gaming before other life interests, and continuing or increasing gaming time even when there are negative consequences.

3. The above behaviors last for more than 12 months, or are less than 12 months but very serious.

Only when children play games for a long time, become very addicted, and cannot control their own behaviors and emotions, and show social emotions such as irritability, anxiety, and discomfort that affect their daily study, work, life, and communication, does it count as gaming addiction.

3. Causes of game addiction

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1. Games are a normal psychological need of human beings, and they are constantly changing and upgrading.

From a psychological perspective, games have assumed multiple functions such as cognition, entertainment, and social interaction since ancient times. Games are an innate behavior for children and are a necessary way and important form for children to learn and understand the world.

2. The psychological addiction mechanism in the design of online games is an important reason for children to become addicted.

Online game designers often use a large number of psychological addiction mechanisms to control teenagers who have relatively weak self-control.

3. Children’s game addiction mostly stems from internal conflicts and deficiencies, and is closely related to the children themselves.

In addition to the attraction and control of games on people, addiction is also closely related to the person's cognitive level, psychological state, and real environment.

Online games can give people a sense of security, control, success, fulfillment, and pleasure that are often difficult to obtain in real life. It is precisely these pleasant psychological experiences that really make game addicts addicted and unable to extricate themselves. The less they are in the real world, the higher the possibility of addiction.

Implicitly lacking: a sense of security, a sense of belonging, a sense of autonomy, a sense of planning, a sense of accomplishment, a sense of honor, a sense of satisfaction, a sense of transcendence, a sense of happiness, and a sense of value.

Obviously lacking: 1. Play time; 2. Parental companionship; 3. Meaningful games; 4. Things where one has the final say; 5. Channels for social interaction.

What kind of children in the family are more likely to be addicted: 1. Children who lack a sense of security; 2. Children who lack a sense of value; 3. Children who have low sense of accomplishment; 4. Children who have a weak sense of planning; 5. Children with weak social skills; 6. Children who lack independence; 7. Children who have poor parent-child relationships; 8. Children who cannot resolve negative emotions; 9. Children whose family atmosphere is depressing and boring; 10. Children who have no interests or hobbies, and cannot find the meaning of life and a sense of existence in life.

2. How to guide children away from mobile games

The addiction mechanism intentionally set up by game designers is the main external factor that attracts children to become addicted to games, while internal conflicts and deprivations are the most important internal motivations that lead to children's Internet addiction.

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1. Family characteristics of children with game addiction

Busy, parents are busy with work or they are too busy and don’t care about their children.

Lack of parent-child relationship, lack of love, respect and appreciation in the family.

Parents always shirk their responsibilities, instead blame and complain about their children, or always make excuses and fail to actively accompany and help their children.

Soft, parents do things without rules and principles, they are not gentle but firm.

Parents are careless in storing their money and use it without any sense of priority or value.

2. Comprehensive analysis of children’s addiction to games

Many parents always blame their children for playing with their phones, and always ask their children why they play with their phones, as if everything is the children's fault. Everything is caused by games. As parents, we are helpless and innocent victims. Little do we know that in the face of this problem, our children are the most innocent and the most hurt. Lack of communication, Internet addiction, and aversion to school have become the three major problems for teenagers.

Are you addicted to the Internet? By the end of 2021, there were 1.032 billion Internet users in my country, of which 160 million were under the age of 19, mainly primary and secondary school students.

1. Most parents are not fun

Only when we are lovable will our children feel our love and become more and more lovable; only when we are worthy of being loved will our children respect and love us and learn to love themselves more and more.

2. Children often have no fun

Playing games is not a sin, it is a child's nature.

When children do not have more and more meaningful choices, what we adults think is bad will also be regarded as the best by children.

3. Games are indeed very attractive to children

From the perspective of game design itself, it is to attract players. The more attractive the game is, the higher the value of the game. Mobile games meet the value needs of children that cannot be realized in real life. Game designers know how to grasp the inner mechanisms of teenagers better than parents.

The environment you live in often shapes the kind of child you have. When children have boring parents, no daily games, and very fun games, it is very easy for them to be tempted by the mobile games that are flooding around them and become addicted.

3. What children are really addicted to is not games

Parents and teachers often only see the superficial behavior of children playing games, but they don’t know that what really makes children obsessed is not the game itself, but the refreshing physical and mental feeling hidden in the process of playing games, which allows them to control, try, experience, and make their own decisions.

What children play with are not mobile phones or games, but loneliness, solitude, a call for love, and a desire for free creation.

Being addicted to games is certainly not good, but what is more terrible than games is the bad parent-child relationship, our wrong educational concepts and wrong educational methods.

Why are children addicted to games? Where are we wrong?

From an advantage perspective, when children become addicted to the Internet and games, it is a great opportunity for us to examine and analyze our own problems and improve parent-child relationships and educational methods.

Children themselves are playful by nature.

3. How to help children get rid of Internet addiction

1. General steps for counseling students with Internet addiction

1. Use self-portraits to help children accept themselves;

2. Improve the environment for children to grow up by improving relationships;

3. Guide children to base themselves on reality and re-plan their lives and studies;

4. Adhere to gradual progress and allow occasional relapses;

5. Continuously provide positive affirmation to help children develop good habits.

2. Two basic strategies to help children get rid of Internet addiction

1. Aversion therapy

That is to link online gaming behavior with certain things and behaviors that the child hates, to establish a conditional relationship, and then use his rebellious psychology and meaningful negative evaluations to gradually devalue the gaming behavior, so that he will give up due to gradual boredom.

Steps to implement aversion therapy: 1. Accept the child; 2. Intentionally induce, and fully relax on the premise of ensuring physical and mental health; 3. Promote rules; 4. Continuously evaluate, and fully support on the premise of abiding by the agreement; 5. Divert attention; 6. Stick to principles.

Implementation example: Treat playing games as an important learning subject, take the state and enthusiasm of playing games seriously, fill out the game experience record form carefully, share the game process and feelings, strictly make up for the time missed in playing games, complete relevant test questions every day, and conduct evaluation by combining qualitative and quantitative methods. If the evaluation is unsatisfactory, make up for it and take a make-up test.

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2. Positive guidance

This is a basic strategy that starts with accepting and understanding children, respecting and encouraging their progress, and leading children step by step out of Internet addiction through positive and active affirmation. It can be implemented in five aspects.

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(1) Care about the inner self and understand the child

Understand them from the bottom of your heart. What children need is understanding and love, not blame. "Mom knows you don't want to be like this, mom knows it's not easy for you, mom and dad know you have suffered a lot of grievances." Many children cry very sadly when they hear these words. Sometimes children need to release, which is right. Don't be afraid of him crying, just accompany him, and it will be better to hug him (her).

(2) Acknowledge the facts and respect your child

Many children are addicted to mobile phones and the Internet. They will blame themselves and deny themselves. Therefore, parents should tell their children that it is not their fault and they are not incompetent. We all admit that there are many things in this world that are extremely tempting to us. It is an objective fact that our human nature is difficult to overcome. Therefore, we should not be self-abased, negative, and self-destructive just because we are addicted to games and cannot get out of it for a while.

(3) Eliminate guard and give children a sense of security

Tell your child that communicating and chatting with him (her) is not to attack him (her), not to criticize him (her), and not to stop him (her) from playing with the mobile phone. It is just to discuss together how to play more reasonably. Only when the child feels that he (she) is not forced to change, will he relax and be willing to communicate with you.

(4) Do not directly deny the child, but discuss the matter itself

Make an agreement with your child at the right time. If he or she is willing, you can make some rules. If he or she is not willing, no matter how many rules you make, it will be useless. Understanding your child’s true thoughts is the key to helping your child and adjusting yourself.

(5) Be full of expectations and actively affirm your child’s personality

Children are not the children we talk about, but they will become the children we talk about. If we continue to give children positive affirmation, they will also have corresponding correct behaviors, because the child’s inner self-cognition comes from the definition of parents, teachers and other groups.