What are the characteristics of a somatic narcissist?

Leviathan Press:

In a sense, narcissism is something like an instinct. Moderate narcissism has positive significance, but once it becomes excessive and evolves into a certain imbalance, it often causes trouble to oneself and the people around. In any case, learning how to get along with oneself is a long and compulsory course that everyone cannot escape, and the curse of Narcissus has never ceased.

Healthy narcissism is the cornerstone of a strong and mature self. It encourages people to actively take control of their own autonomy, enhance their initiative, ability and self-identity, and contribute to close relationships. In general, people with a healthy level of narcissism are content, humble, honest, empathetic, and have an appropriate level of self-esteem.

As we would expect, individuals with healthy levels of narcissism express themselves sexually with the capacity for emotional connection and spontaneity, vulnerability, empathy, and companionship. Sexuality is seen as an intrinsic part of human nature.

(psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F11260-001)

On the other hand, if an individual's level of narcissism is too high, there may be explicit or implicit expressions related to grandiosity and a sense of entitlement. If these traits develop towards the malignant end of the narcissistic spectrum, the individual is likely to suffer from a Cluster B personality disorder (i.e., narcissistic personality disorder).

(www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/personality-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20354463)

If the narcissist has character flaws, we see a lack of empathy, an irrational sense of grandiosity and deep-seated entitlement, jealousy, and unreasonable expectations of themselves and others. These traits catalyze what the narcissist sees as justified rage, blame, deception, and manipulation, as well as various forms of deliberate abuse. We also see an addiction to Supply in these psychologically dysfunctional narcissists.

Still from the film Shame (2011). © Kim Newman

In 1938, psychoanalyst Otto Fenichel coined the term supply to describe the narcissist's objectification of a specific target. The target becomes the primary provider, who the narcissist hopes will satisfy his or her insatiable need for unconditional obedience and adoration.

Mutual benefit is not expected. The narcissist sees the needs of the target as a threat, since they are selected to exist only to satisfy the narcissist's parasitic preferences. Sex is one of many forms of supply, and it is the means by which the somatic sexual narcissist gathers it.

Unlike the cerebral narcissist, who uses his intellectual superiority to gain recognition and thus supply (think of the arrogant scholar, the brilliant artist, or the learned spiritual leader), the somatic narcissist focuses on the physical attractiveness and sexual charm.

While cerebral narcissists often prefer celibacy or masturbation to sexual activity with another person, somatic narcissists use the body as a weapon to manipulate and exploit. So, in addition to focusing on appearance, somatic narcissists also value provocative behavior designed to control and degrade the other person.

It is important to note that in all disordered narcissists there is usually a mix of both cerebral and physical narcissism, but one will be more dominant, depending on the narcissist's physical condition or how they think they can get supply. However, whether they are somatic or cerebral narcissists, the disordered malignant narcissist will not be faithful. Their goal in life is to get endless supply, not mature intimacy. Chasing, or more accurately - throwing love bombs, is just a way to be unfaithful.

(torontosun.com/life/relationships/0415-sexfiles)

Sexual manifestations associated with malignant narcissism include promiscuity, infidelity, objectification, pornography addiction, sexual aggression, and in extreme cases, even deviant sexual preferences such as sexual sadism.

For example, a female narcissist with a sadistic tendency may sublimate her sexual aggression and objectify her target by taking on the role of a dominatrix. Alternatively, a male or female malignant narcissist may revel in coercing the target into giving up their principles by forcing them to have sex. Narcissistic sexual sadists may whip, tie up, imprison, and bite their targets. They often intentionally inflict some form of psychological or physical harm on their targets.

© Bossless Mindset

Regardless of the sexual behaviors or means used by the somatic narcissist, the ultimate goal of their willful coercive behavior is to ensure continued sexual privileges. To achieve this goal, the somatic narcissist must be charismatic, physically attractive, and extraordinary. Because the body is a tool to obtain provision and be admired, the somatic narcissist is extremely concerned with appearance, health, exercise, clothing, and plastic surgery.

Female somatic narcissists are also euphemistically called "femme fatales," who maintain their beauty to marry several wealthy husbands while keeping numerous lovers. She is obsessed with her appearance and likes to wear high-end designer clothes that are elegant and sophisticated. She may even have plastic surgery in an attempt to make herself more perfect.

Like the male somatic narcissist, she uses aggressive sex to achieve her goals. In one of the most typical forms, she uses love bombs and sexual charm to control a relationship. She showers her love prey with compliments and woos them with passionate sex, which gives her a wonderful sense of euphoria and makes her think she is unique.

Somatic narcissists always want to be seen as something fabulous and irresistible, dropping love bombs and luring unsuspecting prey with flashy bravado and beauty. The pursuit and conquest of their targets is addictive and can provide a greater thrill than sex. Sexual narcissists move forward at lightning speed in "relationships," which are actually a whitewashed fraud to satisfy their sense of omnipotence and control.

Once the "goal is achieved," the psychologically dysfunctional narcissist will continue to foster an addictive trauma relationship. The narcissist will periodically devalue and abandon the conquered target, which is a key part of the dynamic between the narcissist and the chosen supply object. The sexual behavior is often impersonal, objectifying, sometimes conspicuous sexual conquest, and sometimes sexually and emotionally depriving.

Still from the film Shame (2011). © Kim Newman

Malignant narcissists know that intermittently throwing negative results will cause uncertainty and confusion in their targets. They take advantage of this phenomenon. After their targets have been through a long period of gaslighting, isolation, or more subtle devaluation, any bit of positive attention can seem like a huge relief.

The victim struggles internally to figure out how to get a positive reaction from the narcissistic abuser. They experience cognitive dissonance and a need for logic, which becomes a driving force. Ultimately, the victim is caught in a vicious cycle, viewing the abuser as a redeemer. This pathological attachment to the abuser is what the malignant narcissist wants.

When analyzing the methods of somatic narcissists, it is necessary to explain the similarities and differences between them and sexual addiction.

Sex addiction is characterized by compulsive sexual behavior that the addict will not give up despite awareness or increasing negative effects. The primary function of sexual behavior is to circumvent the discomfort that often stems from unresolved trauma. By indulging in ritualized fantasy sexual scenarios, sex addicts bypass the pain caused by trauma.

Sex addicts become trapped in this pattern of pleasure and satisfaction, forming a pathological dependency that leads them to become increasingly apathetic, secretive, and oblivious to the impact of their behavior on themselves and others. As psychological pain and toxic shame grow, a narcissistic posture becomes the addict’s defensive shield.

© Oasis Africa

Although the developmental nature of addiction can lead to higher levels of shame, trigger primitive psychological defense mechanisms, and lead to a deterioration of moral sense and narcissistic traits, sexual addiction and malignant narcissism should not be confused.

The desperate need to relieve inner pain enslaves addicts, who turn to sex: sex is seen as a panacea. For sex-addicted somatic narcissists, the inner emptiness also drives them to seek love. But these two types of people are different, and so are their possibilities for recovery.

There is evidence that malignant narcissism is caused by an interaction between genes and environment, as well as abnormal brain structure—a reduction in the connection between the brain regions responsible for emotions such as empathy and guilt and the amygdala, which regulates fear and anxiety. Thus, malignant narcissists’ biology and genetics make them incapable of forming genuine, meaningful attachments.

(www.crimetraveller.org/2017/09/investigating-psychopathic-brain-pathways-to-violence/)

The ability to form an emotional connection is necessary to build a strong support system for treatment, which is the “strongest predictor of outcome” according to general findings from psychotherapy research. Accordingly, it is possible that process addiction has a positive prognosis for sex addicts without overt NPD disease symptoms who can receive trauma-focused therapy.

Dr. Patrick Kearns, a pioneer in sex addiction research, explains: "Abandonment is at the core of addiction. Abandonment brings with it a deep sense of shame. The abandonment that comes with betrayal is worse than careless neglect. Betrayal is purposeful, selfish, and, if severe enough, traumatic."

For sex addicts without personality disorders, treatment aims to dissolve the addict’s unbearable loneliness and traumatic betrayal so that the patient can form truly mature intimate relationships. Unlike malignant narcissists, addicts can develop meaningful connections with therapists and others who can provide emotional support, which is conducive to recovery.

© Christianity Today

Finally, because our culture is saturated with hypersexualized media imagery and corporate marketing that peddles sex and violence, breaking the cycle of sexual objectification and victimization is difficult.

Dr. Clarissa Estes, a Jungian analyst and novelist, writes: “While much psychological theory emphasizes family genetics as the cause of anxiety, cultural factors also exert a huge influence because culture is the family of families. If there are various diseases in the extended family, then all families in the culture must struggle with the same diseases.”

While Estes reminds us to examine the cultural factors behind sexual narcissism, the romanticization of pimp culture and the lucrative sex crime industry show that in this collective sexual harm, narcissists' manipulation and sexual exploitation can gain respect and rewards. Objectification also begins to take on a whole new meaning as human sexual partners compete with emerging artificial intelligence sex dolls. Even the romantic myths and power-submission dynamics in sexual behavior lead to this mentality: the normalization of abuse, which allows people to throw away sensible caution in the pursuit of love or simple physical pleasure.

The signs of loneliness brought on by the pandemic of social distancing and the collective embrace of free sexuality suggest social and moral failures. I suspect time will continue to reveal the role of our need for affection and meaningful relationships in the future. I hope we are inspired to evaluate the mindsets that cause rifts in relationships so that we can rethink our responsibilities to each other and the importance of meaningful, positive attachments.

By Rev. Sheri Heller, LCSW

Translated by Yord

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