My boyfriend is diagnosed with HIV, but I can’t bear to give him up. What should I do? Professionals can help

On the Internet, some netizens consulted [My boyfriend has been diagnosed with AIDS. I am very afraid of being infected, but I am reluctant to give up this relationship. What should I do? ], and there are various answers. Many people persuaded to break up, and they all thought that AIDS was extremely scary. Almost no professionals answered from a professional perspective. As a professional, I will answer from a professional perspective. Without personal emotions, let's just discuss the issues mentioned.

The current status of HIV infection in my country The first imported case of HIV was discovered in Peking Union Medical College Hospital in 1985. As of the end of 2020, there are more than 1.2 million HIV-infected people in China, and about 300,000 people have died of AIDS or AIDS-related diseases. In recent years, although the growth rate of HIV infection has slowed down, the number of infected people is still increasing.

We analyzed the newly infected people and found that about 96% of them were infected through sexual contact, among which male homosexual behavior accounted for about 26%, and male heterosexual behavior accounted for about 70%; there were two peaks in the age distribution of the infected, one was adolescents aged 15-24, and the other was middle-aged and elderly people over 50 years old, and the proportion of middle-aged and elderly people over 50 years old was more than 50%. Adolescents were mainly infected through homosexual contact, and middle-aged and elderly people were mainly infected through heterosexual contact.

There is another issue that deserves our attention. The male-to-female ratio of HIV-infected people in the United States is 10:1, and it remains almost unchanged, while the male-to-female ratio of HIV-infected people in our country is 3.4:1, and this ratio is still rising. The data is analyzed in detail below.

AIDS and Relationships Does HIV infection mean that one cannot have relationships? Actually, this is not the case. Professors Pan Suiming and Huang Yingying of Renmin University of China have conducted large-scale interviews with HIV-infected people, and the vast majority of them long for love and a family.

I have encountered many examples in my work where the woman knew that the man was HIV-infected but she just liked him and wanted to be with him no matter what; there were also cases where the man knew that the woman was HIV-infected but still wanted to be with her.

It can be roughly seen from these cases that for them, AIDS is not a factor that affects their relationship, but more of a liking for the other person. So even if they are infected with HIV, they can still have AIDS, it just depends on whether they can meet the right person.

National laws and regulations do not prohibit HIV-infected people from dating, getting married, and having children, so even if you are infected with HIV, you can still get married and have children. With treatment, you can give birth to a healthy child.

What should you choose? Even if your boyfriend is infected with HIV, you are still unwilling to give up the relationship, which shows that you are a person who values ​​love and friendship, which deserves our praise.

First of all, you need to know the route of infection. There are only three routes of HIV transmission: mother-to-child transmission, sexual transmission, and blood transmission. It is impossible for him to be infected through the mother-to-child route. If he is infected through drug use by sharing syringes, then I suggest you give up, because it is really difficult for drug addicts to quit drugs. Once they are addicted to drugs, they can do almost anything. Then the only route left is sexual. If it is a mistake and he is infected through heterosexual intercourse between men and women, this is relatively acceptable. If he is infected through homosexual intercourse between men and women, I suggest you give up.

The ratio of male to female HIV-infected people in the United States is 10:1, and in China it is 3.4:1, and it is rising further, which means that some men are infected with HIV outside and then spread it to their wives at home. I have met many infected people at work, who have wives and children at home and boyfriends outside.

Due to cultural factors in China, some men have homosexual orientation but must get married and have children, so they try to cover up the fact that they are gay by getting married and having children. This puts many women at high risk of contracting HIV. According to relevant statistical estimates, the absolute number of "gay wives" in my country is about 16 million.

What should you do? If you choose to stay with him, then you must be prepared to face this disease with him.

First of all, you should go to the CDC for a check-up immediately and pray that you are not infected with HIV. If you are infected, the following suggestions are also equivalent to suggestions for you. If you are not infected, then you must use condoms when having sex, and you need to use condoms every time, correctly, and throughout the process, so as to avoid yourself from being infected.

Second, you need to estimate that the other party will actively receive treatment. Although there is no drug or method to cure AIDS, it does not mean that AIDS is incurable. As long as antiviral treatment is actively taken, the life expectancy is almost the same as that of an uninfected person. And after treatment, when the viral load in the body is below the detection limit for more than half a year, it can be considered that AIDS will not be transmitted to the other party through sexual contact, that is, unprotected sexual behavior will not cause infection. With regular treatment, AIDS has changed from a terminal illness to a chronic disease that can be prevented, controlled and treated.

Third, encourage the other party to face the situation correctly. When we face the results that cannot be changed, we can change our mindset and face it with an optimistic and positive attitude, which often leads to better results. An optimistic and positive attitude is good for our immune system. HIV itself destroys our immune system, so we should protect our immune system even more.

Conclusion: Although we have done a lot of publicity, hoping that people will not discriminate against HIV-infected people and accept them, the whole society is still limited in its tolerance for HIV-infected people. So when a person is infected with HIV, their life trajectory will change. If you fall in love or marry an HIV-infected person, maybe everyone will think you are crazy. What I want to say is that no matter what choice you make, I hope you will have no regrets and be responsible for your choice.

Dr. Bobo is engaged in AIDS prevention and control work at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. If you have any questions about AIDS, you can follow me and send me private messages for consultation. Thank you.