What exactly is asexuality?

Leviathan Press:

According to the general definition, asexuality refers to the lack of sexual attraction to others. Some people believe that this is a sexual orientation like heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, etc., while others believe that asexuality means "sexual orientation does not exist." This is still controversial. However, ordinary people have too many misunderstandings about asexuality, and often take it literally as a completely active/passive lack of sex life. In fact, this is just one of the most common misunderstandings. At the same time, due to the existence of this label, it is difficult to say whether asexual behavior is caused by "matching the label" or an established fact that existed before the label. Asexuality means different things to different people.

Asexual people experience little to no sexual attraction—the process of finding a particular person sexually attractive and wanting to have sex with them.

However, everyone experiences asexuality differently, and asexuality can mean different things to different people.

Here are the basics.

Some people feel no sexual attraction at all

Some asexual people are unable to experience sexual attraction, but that doesn't mean they are indifferent to other forms of attraction.

In addition to sexual attraction, you may also experience:

Romantic attraction, which manifests as a desire to have a romantic relationship with someone; aesthetic attraction, which manifests as being attracted to someone's appearance; sensual or physical attraction, which manifests as a desire to touch or hug someone; platonic attraction, which manifests as a desire to develop a friendship with someone; and emotional attraction, which manifests as a desire to have an emotional connection with someone. It is entirely possible for an asexual person to experience all of these forms of attraction.

Some people may only experience sexual attraction in certain situations.

Some people experience sexual attraction only on rare occasions.

For example, some people consider demisexuality (a person who experiences sexual attraction only after they have developed a deep emotional connection with someone) to fall under the asexual spectrum.

In other words, demisexuals may only experience sexual attraction to those with whom they are already in a strong romantic relationship.

They have sexual urges or desires, but they are usually not associated with sexual attraction.

There is a difference between libido, sexual desire and sexual attraction.

Sexual desire: Also known as sexual drive, it is the desire to have sex and experience sexual pleasure and release. For some people, it's a bit like wanting to scratch an itch.

Sexual desire: The desire for sexual intercourse, whether for pleasure, personal connection, conception, or something else.

Sexual attraction: that is, sexual attraction must first be generated between the two parties before sexual relations occur.

Many people who are not asexual also experience low libido, or they simply don't desire sex.

Likewise, many asexual people experience sexual urges and desires, so asexual people may masturbate or engage in sexual activity.

Again, asexuality doesn’t always mean someone doesn’t enjoy sex, it just means they can’t feel sexual attraction.

There are many reasons why asexual people may want to have sex, such as:

Satisfy your sexual desires; have children; please your partner; experience the physical pleasure of sex; express and receive love; and pursue the sensuality of sex, including touching and cuddling. Of course, some asexual people have little to no sexual desire or drive. But that’s OK, because asexuality means something different to everyone.

© SOOFIYAThey are between or outside any of the following

Many people think of sexuality as a spectrum.

Of course, asexuality can also be a spectrum, with some people not responding to sexual attraction at all, others responding a little, and still others experiencing a lot of sexual attraction.

Greysexuals rarely experience sexual attraction, or they experience it with low intensity. Greysexuality is often seen as a sexual orientation that lies between sexuality and asexuality, explains the Asexual Visibility & Education Network (AVEN), the world's largest asexual community.

Asexuality, celibacy, or abstinence are not the same thing

Many people mistakenly believe that asexuality is the same thing as celibacy or abstinence.

Abstinence is the decision to abstain from all sexual activity, but this is usually temporary.

For example, some people refuse to have sex before marriage, or some people decide to give up sex during a difficult period in their lives.

Celibacy is the complete abstention from sex, even marriage, usually for religious, cultural or personal reasons, and is usually a lifelong commitment.

Abstinence and celibacy are both personal choices, but asexuality is not.

What's more, asexual people may not actually give up sex at all. As mentioned earlier, some asexual people do engage in sexual activity.

All this has nothing to do with medicine.

Many people believe asexuality is a disease.

Society seems to assume that everyone can feel sexual attraction, so asexual people may also worry that there is something wrong with them.

Asexuality has nothing to do with medicine and does not need to be treated.

This may seem self-evident, but asexuality is not the same as:

Fear of intimacy; decreased libido; sexual repression; sexual aversion; sexual dysfunction. Anyone can experience one or more of these conditions, regardless of sexual orientation.

There is no root cause

Like homosexuality and bisexuality, asexuality has no fundamental "cause" other than some people being born that way. Asexuality is not inherited, nor is it caused by trauma, nor is it caused by any other reason.

It has nothing to do with not being able to find a partner

It’s often assumed that asexual people will experience sexual attraction once they meet their “right person,” which is also incorrect.

Many asexual people desire romantic relationships, and many asexual people are in happy, healthy romantic relationships.

Sexual attraction and desire are not the same as romantic attraction and desire for romance

Wanting to have sex with a person is different from wanting to have a romantic relationship with them.

Likewise, it's important to be able to differentiate between sexual attraction and romantic attraction. Sexual desire is not the same as romantic desire.

One is the desire for sexual activity, the other is the longing for a romantic relationship.

Many asexual people desire and have romantic relationships

Asexual people may not experience sexual attraction, but they can still experience romantic attraction.

Asexual people may be romantically attracted to people of the same gender, a different gender, or multiple genders.

Many asexual people desire and have romantic relationships, either with other asexuals or with non-asexuals.

Asexual people may have sex with their partners

As mentioned earlier, some asexual people do have sex, as there is a difference between sexual desire and sexual attraction.

In other words, you may not want to have sex with a specific person; you just want to have sex.

Every asexual person is different, some are turned off by sex, some are indifferent, and some enjoy it.

Some people prefer non-romantic relationships

Some asexual people have no interest in romantic relationships.

Similar to asexuals who experience little to no sexual attraction, aromantic people experience little to no romantic attraction. Some, but not all, asexuals are aromantic.

The term queerplatonic originated from the asexual and non-romantic community.

According to AVEN, a queer platonic relationship is a very intimate non-romantic relationship in which the two people are just as committed to each other as those in a romantic relationship.

Anyone can have a queer platonic relationship, regardless of sexual orientation or romantic inclinations.

Some people find that their attraction or desire changes over time — and that’s normal

Many people find that their identity is fluid.

One day, they may feel like they are asexual because they experience little or no sexual attraction. After a few weeks or months, this feeling may change, and they may find themselves experiencing sexual attraction more frequently.

Likewise, some people identify as straight but later come to believe they are asexual.

This doesn’t mean that previous conclusions were wrong, or that sexual orientation has “phases” or that you outgrow something as you grow up.

For some people, their attraction is "fluid" and changes over time, and that's completely normal.

If you were able to experience sexual attraction in the past but no longer can, the asexual state still exists.

Asexual people may have experienced sexual attraction in the past but not now.

Some people's attractiveness changes over time.

Just because an asexual person has felt sexual attraction before, it doesn’t subvert who they are now.

The same applies to people who no longer identify as asexual.

Likewise, some people who once considered themselves asexual often experience sexual attraction later in life.

This doesn’t mean they were never asexual, or that they are wrong to identify as asexual.

Quite simply, their sexual orientation changes over time.

© Youth.SG How to determine if you are asexual?

While there's no professional test, there are some questions you can ask yourself to assess your desires and see if they fit the general profile of asexuality:

What does sexual attraction mean to me? Do I experience sexual attraction? How do I understand the concept of sex? Is it necessary for me to have sex because someone else expects me to? Is sex important to me? When I see someone attractive, do I want to have sex with them? How do I enjoy sex? Does sex play a role in it? There are no "right" or "wrong" answers, these questions are just to help you think about your sexuality and whether you might be asexual.

You can also read about asexuality and talk to asexual people, or consider joining a forum like the AVEN forum or the Asexuality subreddit.

Finally, you should give yourself the most appropriate label

Only you can decide whether you are asexual.

How you define your sexual orientation or identity is entirely up to you, and if you decide not to use any labels to describe yourself, that's totally fine!

By Sian Ferguson

Translation/Sodium Potassium

Proofreading/multiple tablets

Original article/www.healthline.com/health/what-is-asexual#12

This article is based on the Creative Commons Agreement (BY-NC) and is published by Sodium Potassium on Leviathan

The article only reflects the author's views and does not necessarily represent the position of Leviathan