Which is more effective, encouraging education or punishing education? What impact will punishing education have on children?

Cultural education changes the direction of individual choices by changing the individual's consciousness space. Human beings have increased the individual's consciousness space through cultural education, thus finding a shortcut to teach individuals how to choose objects. Human cultural achievements are attached to the consciousness of individuals through educators, shaping new individuals and providing perspectives and microscopes for individuals' future directions. So which is more effective, encouraging education or persuasive education? What impact will persuasive education have on children? Let's take a look at the introduction of Encyclopedia Knowledge Network!

Contents of this article

1. Which is more effective: encouraging education or punishing education?

2. What impact will the persuasive education have on children?

3. Common mistakes parents make when educating their children

Which is more effective, encouraging education or punishing education?

This is the eternal discussion raised again in the fifth episode of the fourth season of the Slam Dunk program - the different expressions of encouraging education and punishing education. During the training and competition process, coaches Zhu Fangyu, Marbury and Guo Ailun have invested a lot of energy in their guidance, but there are some players who are slow to get into the state and make obvious mistakes on the court. Faced with such a situation, some coaches choose to comfort and encourage, while others choose to hit the players' "pain points" mercilessly; but the effect varies depending on the degree of acceptance of each person.

From student days to working life, we have been facing this problem. Only by analyzing specific problems and adopting a relaxed and moderate education method can we achieve the ideal effect. Which method do you prefer in life?

What impact will persuasive education have on children?

1. Like father, like son. The child will educate the next generation in the same way.

Parents have a subtle influence on their children. How parents educate their children is likely to be used by the children in the same way. Every father and son have different personalities, and the father should use the most appropriate and proper way to educate his children.

2. Children’s self-confidence is damaged and they become inferior

Children's hearts are sensitive and fragile. If they are hit again and again, it will only hurt their weak hearts. It is precisely because children do not know what is right and what is wrong, so when children make mistakes, they should be properly guided instead of criticized; when children do small things right, parents should also give timely praise, and the children's self-confidence will be greatly satisfied.

3. Personality defects and lack of security

Children who are under the wrath of their parents for a long time, with scolding and criticism in their ears, often become sensitive and fragile. Facing the mood swings of their parents, children are cautious every day because they don't know which words or actions will trigger the anger of their parents. Children who grow up in such an environment have deformed personalities, gradually developing deceitful and flattering personalities, and even developing dual personalities. Similarly, children who live in the scolding and scolding of their parents for a long time gradually lose their sense of security, which makes their personalities more sensitive and they are afraid of gains and losses from an early age.

Common mistakes parents make when educating their children

Another point of reasonable guidance is to constantly inspire children, let them discover the problems in their thinking or find ways to solve the problems, rather than directly telling them what to do. Studies have shown that the conclusions they draw themselves are more impressive than those told by others.

In my country, more than 90% of parents are educating their children in an incorrect way, which is a very serious problem facing the implementation of quality education in my country. There are the following misunderstandings in the process of educating children:

This is one of the most common misunderstandings we parents make.

What we usually do is to keep talking to children about principles, thinking that as long as the principles are explained clearly, children should naturally act according to the principles. If you say to a five-year-old child: "I want to be a scientist when I grow up, do you know?" The child says: "Yes!" But does the child really know? In fact, children cannot understand most of the principles we talk about. Children learn through behavior and experience principles through feelings. They do not act according to principles at all. Children's nature is to act according to the principle of pursuing happiness and avoiding pain, rather than acting through rational thinking. Usually, there is always such a confusion in the hearts of children: why is the same behavior sometimes praised and sometimes criticized? What is going on? Children cannot figure it out.

Zhou Guoping once said: "For our adult world, all understandings contain misunderstandings." What's more, our children do not understand the rules of adults, let alone what adults want to express in their hearts. Children cannot understand too many truths. Children experience through behavior and learn through feelings, rather than doing things according to reason.

I don't know how we adults came up with this truth. There is no causal relationship between material conditions and whether children study well. At the beginning of life, we talked about human nature. The fundamental reason that prompts a person to change is either to escape pain or to seek happiness. This is the fundamental reason. Especially for children, their rationality is not yet developed, and they do things completely subconsciously. Then, the first factor that prompts children to learn is interest, that is, learning itself can bring them pleasure; the second factor is that the results of learning make them happy; the third factor is gratitude to their parents. The fundamental motivation for children to learn is to trigger an emotion, which can find happiness physiologically, thereby triggering an interest and a desire for learning. In terms of neural connections, learning equals happiness!

This is a ridiculous practice. Children are human beings, not machines. We cannot mechanically set programs that only allow this and not that. This will stifle the creative nature of children.

As a person, his mission is to understand the world through interest, to explore the universe, life and life through feelings, "a child's natural duty is to play". If parents only require their children to study, they will cruelly deprive their children of this nature. Therefore, we parents must realize that children are human beings and use human methods to educate them.

I remember Aristotle said: "When a person is born, he is a very hateful little animal." It takes more than ten or twenty years of "humanization" to cultivate an adult. If in the process of "humanization" education, the most basic things of human beings are not taught and the normal spiritual oxygen is not provided, and we always hope to make children "humanized" through knowledge education and intellectual development, then we will fall into a big misunderstanding, and finally the process of children's humanization will be imperfect. The tragedy of the pianist's life in the movie "Shining Style" - his father rudely only asked him to learn piano skills, which eventually led to him becoming a master in skills, but mentally disabled. In our real life, such things exist in different forms and to different degrees. Especially for us Chinese, most parents have made similar mistakes, but to different degrees. For children, parents think that your most important task at this moment is to study, which is right. The key is what to learn? How to learn? If the child's interest and potential are developed, learning will be an easy and pleasant thing. On the contrary, if the child is forced and mechanically studied under high pressure by his parents, then learning is a disaster for the child, which is too painful.

This is a big misunderstanding in the process of educating children.

After being beaten and scolded, the child may seem to be coaxed and fine, but in fact, the feeling of being beaten and scolded will always remain in his subconscious mind, but he himself does not know it. He will always be nervous, anxious, self-pitying, and depressed until he grows up. This is actually a vicious "heart anchor" left in the child's subconscious mind when he was beaten and scolded by his parents in childhood, which constitutes his current subconscious personality. Once the same environmental factors are triggered, it will induce a physiological reaction when he was beaten and scolded at that time - fear and anxiety, which is called "heart anchor" in psychology.

Before the age of seven, it is difficult for a child to understand why he is beaten or scolded. Only through age growth and life experience can he understand why the same behavior is treated differently. If parents beat and scold their children destructively, once the child's self-esteem is hurt, it will be difficult to adjust. It is the nature of a child to please his parents. Only when doing something can bring him happiness and gain confirmation, praise, and encouragement from his parents, will he actively do it; once what he has done is denied or criticized, his physiology will react, his nervous system will begin to stiffen, and he will show slow thinking and slow movements. He can neither do well nor learn.

People's thinking mode is associative operation, and any two things in the human brain may form a connection. The harm suffered in childhood will always remain in the child's subconscious, so parents must not take it lightly.

This view is the national garbage that has the most profound impact on us. It is a tragedy for the Chinese nation.

"My child doesn't listen to me!" This is a sentence often said by many parents. Then I want to tell you that your child listens to you for only two reasons: one is that what you say is right and good for him; the other is that you have agreed with each other that you must follow the rules.

Rousseau's book "Emile" talks about the sources of slavery and domination. Parents make their children obey unconditionally, "Because I am your father and your mother, you must listen to me." This will form the understanding of the two possibilities of slavery and domination in the children's minds. One is that I can't live without the other person, and the other person is a stronger individual than me, providing me with food and clothing - leading to domination; the other slavery is that the other person is a slave owner, it owns my body and even my spirit, so I am his property. In this way, two fundamental personality traits will be formed in children when they grow up: either dominate others and enslave others; or be dominated and enslaved by others. That is, they cannot have the concept of equality and independent personality.

If you want your children to listen to you, you must first cultivate their sense of equality and independent personality. Get along with your children as equals, guide them to think correctly, let them make independent choices, and never force them to listen to you. Because you cannot prove that what you say is right, just like your child wants to eat bananas, but you think that apples are rich in vitamins, so eating apples is right. This can only prove that it is your opinion, but not necessarily what the child needs.

This is a logic without causal connection. Doing things by yourself teaches children to be independent. If we parents also do things that children should do by themselves, it is equivalent to depriving children of their right to survive and explore the world. This not only cultivates children's dependence and being dominated, but on the contrary, the more parents do for their children, the more selfish their children will be.

Let children participate more in housework, let them do some housework within their ability, etc., to praise and encourage them, let them feel the warmth of the family atmosphere, so that they learn to be grateful. If the family is not warm, no one will be grateful to their parents. When a person is not grateful, he will not understand the hard work of his parents. If children cannot be made aware of how important it is to make their parents happy and understand their parents, they will think that it is natural to be ungrateful. This is the tragedy of many rich children. The more wealth parents create and the more they give to their children, the more ungrateful their children will be. Therefore, this view is a fundamental misunderstanding in educating children.

Nowadays, many parents generally do not care about other things as long as their children study. They teach their children to be irresponsible and become bystanders in life. If children are not guided to care about and understand others from a young age, they will do their own thing when they grow up. Once these principles form unbreakable values ​​and beliefs in their hearts, failure in life will be inevitable.

Therefore, it is the foundation of life and the key to success to educate children on how to be a good person from an early age. Otherwise, if children are only taught knowledge without being guided in how to be a good person, the final result may be that they do not learn the knowledge and do not become good people.

It is believed that children should be criticized when they do something wrong, otherwise they will develop bad habits. This is a matter of course for most parents with traditional concepts. I tell you that this is wrong. Because criticism requires art. It is not necessarily that criticism can make children correct their shortcomings. On the contrary, destructive criticism will only bury children's potential, eliminate their self-worth, and destroy their self-esteem.

We can completely correct children's shortcomings without using criticism. Children's growth is a process in which their strengths are confirmed and gradually magnified, and then replace their shortcomings. If a child's self-esteem, self-confidence, and sense of responsibility are determined and form a stable self-worth, he will eventually become a successful person. If parents' criticism is directed at the child's behavior rather than the child himself, then the child will correct his shortcomings. Otherwise, the child will feel that his self-worth is hurt and feel that he is inferior and incompetent. In this way, not only will he not correct his shortcomings, but they will become more and more serious, and finally form a strong rebellious psychology.

Therefore, criticism is a very high art, and if used improperly it can be very detrimental to a child's growth.

This is a traditional misunderstanding of the Chinese. Any spiritual person needs an oxygen supplier. As children, they need the company, confirmation, praise and encouragement of their parents. Once these are lacking, it is difficult for children to establish their self-worth.

It is a child's nature to please their parents. Parents' confirmation, encouragement and praise for their children's actual behavior is the key to building their children's self-esteem and self-confidence, which will inspire them to further develop.

Only when the children have not achieved the corresponding level, parents will use hypocritical and exaggerated language to praise the children insincerely. This will cause the children to be ignorant of the truth and become proud and complacent, or after a long time they will simply not believe in you.

Therefore, praising children’s behavior does not necessarily lead to pride. The key is how to praise!

Finally, I will share with you an explosive news:

Parents all over the world want their sons to be successful and their daughters to be outstanding. Educating children is a profound subject. Only by continuous learning can we become more proficient in educating children.