Hu Mouyu’s suicide is a cause for regret. How can we solve the frequent mental health problems among teenagers?

On the morning of February 2, Jiangxi police held a press conference to report the latest situation of the disappearance of Hu Mouyu, a student of Zhiyuan Middle School in Qianshan County, Shangrao City. In the more than 100 days since Hu Mouyu disappeared and was found, any news about him has been worrying people.

The police announced at the press conference: Hu Mouyu died of hanging, and the audio in the recorder expressed his intention to commit suicide.

This tragedy has made everyone sigh. The issue of adolescent mental health has once again come to the public's attention, causing people to think deeply.

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In recent years, adolescents have frequently encountered mental health problems. How can we prevent children from having mental problems? What are the early warning signs of children's mental problems? What should teachers and parents do if children have mental problems?

During the first wave of COVID-19 lockdown in China, Peking University and four other institutions jointly conducted a study to investigate the depression and anxiety symptoms of 8,079 middle school students aged 12-18 in 21 provinces and autonomous regions across the country. The researchers used an internationally accepted standard questionnaire to assess the mental health of these middle school students during the lockdown. The results showed that 43.7% of the students experienced symptoms of depression, 37.4% experienced symptoms of anxiety, and 31.3% experienced both depression and anxiety symptoms.

The psychological impact of the epidemic and its various chain reactions on infants, children and adolescents cannot be ignored. However, if we think from another perspective, we will find another question: Why do different children react differently to the same epidemic?

Buffett once said, "When the tide goes out, you will find out who is swimming naked." He said this to mean that investment is bound to encounter risks. Only by relying on truly high-level investment rather than just luck can you avoid risks and not be defeated by risks, and only then can you go a long way in the investment path. In fact, isn't it the same in life? In life, you will inevitably encounter diseases and accidental injuries. Only by relying on good physical fitness can you survive diseases and accidental injuries and live longer. The same is true for psychology. In life, you will inevitably encounter adversity and difficult environments. Only by relying on good psychological qualities can you survive these "bad things", otherwise you will have psychological problems that cannot cope with reality.

I know a child who entered middle school during the COVID-19 pandemic. In elementary school, this child was very self-motivated and competitive in his studies, but in middle school, his grades dropped, and then he seemed to suddenly lose his motivation to study, and his attitude towards grades became indifferent. Online teaching during the pandemic also made children feel tired and bored, and they turned to social networking and games on their mobile phones. Without the school environment and effective supervision from teachers and parents, the children's studies and life had problems. This is a typical child who has been "swimming naked" psychologically. In the past, relying on the external supervision and promotion of their parents, the child performed well, but in fact, he did not build up his internal psychological ability, so once he encountered adversity or entered adolescence where he needed to rely on himself, he would have psychological and behavioral problems because he could not cope with the requirements of growth and life.

Therefore, although the epidemic is ruthless, it also reminds us that strengthening children’s psychological qualities in facing adverse environments can ensure that children will not "swim naked" in their future lives.

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So how can we cultivate children's psychological abilities and enhance their psychological qualities? Developmental psychologists have been looking for the laws of psychological development, hoping to discover the basic elements that constitute psychological qualities to help people cope with various blows and adversities in life. For example, Erikson proposed eight major conflicts that must be resolved in life and the order in which they appear; Professor Dweck discovered the important role of growth mindset in psychological resilience...

Combining these findings and theories, we can find the most essential elements that are indispensable for strong psychological qualities: the ability to process emotions, the ability to solve problems, the ability to build relationships with others, self-confidence, and a sense of meaning.

The ability to process emotions and solve problems is the first line of psychological defense when facing setbacks and adversity.

Once I met a child with emotional problems. He was a class cadre and had always served the class very dedicatedly. However, due to a teacher's mistake, he was seriously misunderstood by his classmates. He was very upset psychologically, and his study and life were greatly affected. When I asked him, "How do you feel?", I could see that he was thinking hard, but the only answer I had was "why, on what basis". Later, when I asked him, "Do you feel wronged when your classmates say this to you?", he paused for a moment, and then his eyes turned red. After that, his tense body and nerves relaxed, and he began to really face the matter. Together, we analyzed the inner thoughts of the teacher and classmates and found several solutions. He found that things were not as terrible and difficult as he had imagined before, and he had the ability and methods to solve them well.

Emotional feelings are the fastest way for people to collect and process information. If this path is not smooth, people will not be able to adapt to the environment well, and problems will easily arise when facing setbacks and adversity. This child was stuck when he encountered a setback because he could not connect with his own feelings and did not have enough experience to think about solutions to the problem. Many parents do not pay attention to cultivating their children's awareness and ability to express their feelings when they are young, and do not give their children the opportunity to solve problems on their own, which will lead to their children's lack of these abilities. Then, when encountering setbacks and adversity, it is easy to get stuck like that child, and then have psychological problems.

The second psychological defense against setbacks and adversity is self-confidence and the ability to build relationships with others.

When facing a big blow or adversity, the ability to manage emotions and solve problems may be temporarily broken. At this time, we need to rely on confidence in ourselves and others to stabilize ourselves, that is, self-confidence and the ability to build relationships with others. In the example of the child above, we can see that when learning is smooth, the child performs well, but when learning encounters setbacks, the child thinks that he can no longer learn well, which leads to giving up easily and no longer working hard. At the same time, the child did not ask for help from teachers, parents or classmates to seek solutions.

The third psychological defense against setbacks and adversity is a sense of meaning.

When the first two psychological defense lines are broken, the sense of meaning becomes the last defense line, which can be said to be the strongest psychological defense line of human beings. For machines, they only need to know "what should I do", but for people, they also need to know "why should I do this", that is, to find a sense of meaning. Now many people are talking about the "empty heart disease" among children. These children appear to be very good, but they particularly need to be recognized by others, have no interest in anything, and even have suicidal tendencies. These children are vulnerable to blows and adversity, not because they are incapable, but because they don't know "why should I strive forward". On the contrary, some people can rely on their own hope and willpower to survive great blows and adversity. The famous psychologist Viktor Frankl was captured and imprisoned in the Auschwitz concentration camp with his family during World War II. His parents, wife, and brother all died in the gas chamber. He himself suffered from inhuman treatment such as hunger, disease, abuse, and death threats, and saw all kinds of manifestations of losing humanity. But he survived strongly. He believed that "life ultimately means taking on and accepting all challenges and fulfilling the great responsibility of the tasks that one should complete." Later, he wrote the book "Man's Search for Meaning", which moved and enlightened thousands of people. He also pioneered meaning therapy and helped many people struggling in setbacks and adversity. His life is just like Nietzsche's famous saying "He who knows why he lives, can survive."

So how can we help children develop a sense of meaning? A sense of meaning must be based on something greater than the self. So, instead of telling children that "learning is for a better life" and other truths that they cannot really understand, it is better to let children accumulate enough life experiences to find the value and meaning of their existence. At the same time, encourage them to maintain their ideals, help them slowly find their goals, and work hard for them.

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Parents always think long-term for their children. If this epidemic can help parents pay more attention to their children's psychological development, it can be considered a blessing in disguise.

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